Posts tagged ‘politics’

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“In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame; two is a law firm and three or more is a government.” ~John Adams

“If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.” ~Mark Twain

“Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of government. But then I repeat myself.” ~Mark Twain

“I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.” ~Winston Churchill

“A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.” ~Douglas Casey

“Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.” ~P.J. O’Rourke

“Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.” ~Frederic Bastiat

“I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.” ~Will Rogers

“If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free!” ~P.J. O’Rourke

“In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.” ~Voltaire

“Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you!” ~Pericles

“No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.” Mark Twain

“Talk is cheap, except when government does it.” ~Anonymous

“The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.” ~Ronald Reagan

“The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.” ~Mark Twain

“There is no distinctly Native American criminal class, save government.” Mark Twain

“What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.” ~Edward Langley

“A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.” ~Thomas Jefferson

“We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.” ~Aesop

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You’re a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do?

Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians.

Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need! Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They’re all covered.

As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now.

And who will be paying for all of this? It’s the same government that just told you that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home.

And you can get rid of 4 useless politicians while you are at it.

Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any income taxes anymore.

Is this a great country or what?

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The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~Henry Cate, VII

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~Aesop

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven. ~Will Rogers

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. ~Plato

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ~Nikita Khrushchev

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it. ~Clarence Darrow

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. ~Author Unknown

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~John Quinton

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~Oscar Ameringer

I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. ~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. ~Texas Guinan

Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. ~Gore Vidal

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. ~Charles de Gaulle

Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. ~Ronald Reagan

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city , it might be better to change the locks. ~Doug Larson

Don’t vote, it only encourages them. ~Author Unknown

There ought to be one day – just one – when there is open season on senators. ~Will Rogers

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Maybe we should introduce boxing matches instead of Presidential Debates for U.S. Politics!

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Some of these are inside humor for the Mormon crowd, but the rest are quite funny! It will be interesting to see if Mitt’s religion will play that big of a factor if he wins the G.O.P. nominee.

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Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100.

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this.

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.

The fifth would pay $1.

The sixth would pay $3.

The seventh would pay $7.

The eighth would pay $12.

The ninth would pay $18.

The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that’s what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve ball. “Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20″. Drinks for the ten men would now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share?

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by a higher percentage the poorer he was, to follow the principle of the tax system they had been using, and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay.

And so the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% saving).

The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% saving).

The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% saving).

The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% saving).

The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% saving).

The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% saving).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But, once outside the bar, the men began to compare their savings.

“I only got a dollar out of the $20 saving,” declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,”but he got $10!”

“Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved a dollar too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!”

“That’s true!” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get $10 back, when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!”

“Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison, “we didn’t get anything at all. This new tax system exploits the poor!”

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had their beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and government ministers, is how our tax system works. The people who already pay the highest taxes will naturally get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas, as many are considering where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics.

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A humorous look by Comedy Central’s Stephen Colbert on whether Mormons are weird or not.

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Yahweh or No Way? – Mormons & God’s Poll Numbers
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog Video Archive
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President of Czech Republic Václav Klaus “steals” pen during his official visit in Chile. President’s spokesman Radim Ochvata said it was a gift.

http://forwardeverforward.com/vids/czech-republic-president-steals-pen.flv

See English Subtitles

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BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!

NANCY PELOSI: The poor, misunderstood chicken crossed the road because he needed universal health care.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick!

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why they call it the ‘other side.’ Yes, my friends,That chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gaytoo. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other side.’ That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it’s lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2011, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2011. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

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A lot of folks can’t understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.


Well, there’s a very simple answer.

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Nobody bothered to check the oil.

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We just didn’t know we were getting low.

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The reason for that is purely geographical.

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Our OIL is located in:

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ALASKA

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California

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Coastal Florida

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Coastal Louisiana

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North Dakota

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Wyoming

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Colorado

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Kansas

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Oklahoma

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Pennsylvania

And

Texas

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Our dipsticks are located in DC

Any Questions?   

NO?

Didn’t think So.

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A friend sent this along to me. I can’t think of a reason to disagree.

I am sending this to virtually everybody on my e-mail list and that includes conservatives, liberals, and everybody in between. Even though we disagree on a number of issues, I count all of you as friends. My friend and neighbor wants to promote a “Congressional Reform Act of 2010.” It would contain eight provisions, all of which would probably be strongly endorsed by those who drafted the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

I know many of you will say, “this is impossible.” Let me remind you, Congress has the lowest approval of any entity in Government, now is the time when Americans will join together to reform Congress – the entity that represents us.

We need to get a Senator to introduce this bill in the US Senate and a Representative to introduce a similar bill in the US House. These people will become American hero’s.
Thanks,

A Fellow American

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Congressional Reform Act of 2010

  1. 12 year term limit only. One of the possible options are: two Six year Senate terms; six Two year House terms; one Six year Senate term and three Two Year House terms
  2. No Tenure/No Pension. A congressman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they are out of office.
  3. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security. All funds in the Congressional retirement fund moves to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system, Congress participates with the American people.
  4. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan just as all Americans.
  5. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.
  6. Congress looses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.
  7. Congress must equally abide in all laws they impose on the American people.
  8. All contracts with past and present congressmen are void effective 1/1/11. The American people did not make this contract with congressmen, congressmen made all these contracts for themselves.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, serve your term(s), then go home and back to work.