February 9, 2012
FW: Can Woman & Men Just Be Friends
Not a scientific study, but still very, very true!
Posts tagged ‘men jokes’
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November 30, 2011
FW: A Brave Man at the Dentist
A man said to the dentist, “Doc, I’m in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my truck waiting for us to go deer hunting, so forget about the anesthetic. I don’t have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have our feeders set to go off in thirty minutes. I don’t have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!’
The dentist thought to himself, “My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.”
So the dentist asks him, “Which tooth is it sir?”
The man turned to his wife and said, “Open your mouth Honey, and show him.
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July 20, 2011
Fw: The Hot Guys and their 30th Reunion
Coming to Your Town Soon
Can you believe it has been 30 years since these HOT MEN came dancing into our lives???
Then it all went wrong
A CHIPPENDALES 30TH REUNION…..
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June 13, 2011
FW: Sharpen Up
A great practical joke that probably originated from the many college drinking parties =).
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June 2, 2011
FW: Amish Elevator
An Amish father and his oldest son were visiting a mall one day.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The son asked, “What is this Father?”
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an overweight old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son “Go get your Mother.”
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May 25, 2011
FW: Three Men Cross a River Joke
One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so. The first man prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength to cross this river.” Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times.
Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength .. and the tools to cross this river.” Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.
The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, “Please God, give me the strength and the tools .. and the intelligence … to cross this river.” And Poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH …or to some smart guy who needs to remember “WHO” keeps him afloat!
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May 3, 2011
FW: Neither Blonde. . . Nor Female. . .
These contractors are installing steel pillars in concrete to stop vehicles from parking on the pavement outside a Sports Bar downtown. They are now in the process of cleaning up at the end of the day and anxious to go home.
How long do you think it’ll be before they realize where they parked their truck?
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April 23, 2011
FW: Why Some Men Remain Single
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April 14, 2011
FW: The Manslater (Woman Language Translator)
The woman language translator. Finally the power to understand what she means.
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April 17, 2010
FW: Men are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
- If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
- If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
- When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
- When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
- A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
- A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.
BATHROOMS
- A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
- The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
- A woman has the last word in any argument.
- Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
- A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
- A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
- A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
- Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
- Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
- A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!
SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it …. and to the men who will enjoy reading it.