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FW: A Fun Physiological Test

Paul — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 22:47:50 +0000

The first three words I spotted for myself were: funny, fat, and pretty. I guess I am a pretty funny fat person, or maybe a funny person who is pretty fat Ü. Hope you have fun with this!

FW: Amazing Beach Bubbles

Paul — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 19:19:24 +0000

My little girls would go crazy with excitement if we did something like this!

Click here to view the embedded video.

FW: The Water Jet Pack

Paul — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 11:11:30 +0000

Yet another way to walk on water =).

Click here to view the embedded video.

FW: About Your Dead Parrot Señor Wilson

Paul — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 12:53:58 +0000

THE PHONE RINGS:

“Hello Señor Wilson, I am the caretaker at your country house in Mexico.”

“Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?”

“Um, I am just calling to advise you that your parrot, he is dead.”

“My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?”

“Si, Señor, that’s the one.”

“Damn! That’s a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?”

“From eating the rotten meat, Señor Wilson.”

“Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?”

“Nobody, Señor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.”

“Dead horse? What dead horse?”

“The thoroughbred, Señor Wilson.”

“My prize thoroughbred is dead?”

“Yes, Señor Wilson, he died from all that work pulling the water cart.”

“Are you insane? What water cart?”

“The one we used to put out the fire, Señor.”

“Good Heavens! What fire are you talking about, man?”

“The one at your house, Señor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.”

“What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!”

“Yes, Señor Wilson.”

“There’s electricity at the house, what was the candle for?”

“For the funeral, Señor Wilson.”

“WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!”

“Your wife’s, Señor Wilson. She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G 15 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft.”

SILENCE……….. LONG SILENCE………VERY LONG SILENCE.

“Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you’re in deep trouble!”

FW: iPhone Hype

Paul — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 12:36:22 +0000

FW: Not a Best Friend that you Want!

Paul — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 02:42:18 +0000

FW: A Cinderella Royal Wedding

Paul — Fri, 13 May 2011 06:00:03 +0000

FW: Change The Toilet Paper Roll!!!!!

Paul — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 19:06:54 +0000

FW: Confusing Language

Paul — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 00:45:27 +0000

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this. You think English is easy? No, but it’s fun.

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8 ) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people not computers and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why when the stars are out they are visible but when the lights are out they are invisible.

PS. – Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’?

FW: YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH

Paul — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 06:00:36 +0000

Don’t tell me your age; you’d probably lie anyway, but the Hershey Man will know!

DON’T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute …
Work this out as you read …

Be sure you don’t read the bottom until you’ve worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it’s fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50—I’ll wait while you get the calculator

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1760. If you haven’t, add 1759.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).

The next two numbers are:

YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2010) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.

Forward Ever Forward » fun

FW: A Fun Physiological Test

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