Good Children-Grandparent Jokes
My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy
Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, “62.” He was quiet for a moment,
and then he asked, “Did you start at 1?”
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After putting her grandchildren to bed for a sleepover, a grandmother
washed off her makeup, changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and
began to color her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more
rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she stormed into their room,
putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she
heard the three-year-old say in a trembling voice, “Who was THAT?”
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A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own
childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a po nd. I had a swing
made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We
picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed,
taking this in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”
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My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you
know how you and God are alike?” I mentally polished my halo while I asked ,
“No, how are we alike?” “You’re both old,” he replied.
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A little girl was diligentl y pounding away on her grandfather’s
word processor. She told him she was writing a story. “What’s it about?” he
asked. “I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”
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I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I
decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was.
She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I
continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, “Grandma, I
think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!”
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When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept
the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.
Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy
whispered, “It’s no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with
flashlights.”
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When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m
not sure.” “Look in your underwear, Grandma,” he advised. “Mine says I’m
four to six.”
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A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother,
“Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.” The
grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. “That’s interesting,”
she said, “How do you make babies?” “It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You
just change ‘y’ to ‘I and add ‘es’.”
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“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a teacher. The
small boy wrote: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.” The teacher
asked, “Do you know what pregnant means?” Sure,” said the young boy
confidently. “It means carrying a child.”
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A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of
kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of
the fire truck wa s a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s
duties. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster. “No,” said
another, “he’s just for good luck.” A third child brought the argument to a
close: “No, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant.”