August 23, 2010
FW: Ponderisms
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
~~
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
~~
Life is sexually transmitted.
~~
Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
~~
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
~~
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
~~
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
~~
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
~~
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
~~
In the 60′s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
~~
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
~~
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?’
~~
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
~~
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
~~
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
~~
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
~~
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
~~
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
~~
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
~~