February 3, 2010
FW: How Not To Get A Job
Archive for the ‘Work’ Category.
January 22, 2010
FW: Dilbert Quotes
A magazine recently ran a “Dilbert Quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes from Dilbert managers in corporate America , circa 2004:
“As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.” (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)
“What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.” (Lykes Lines Shipping)
“E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.” (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
“This project is so important we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it.” (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
“Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.” (Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
“No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them.” (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
Quote from the Boss: “Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.” ( AMKOD Team Leader, DCMA AIMO Kelly Greenville )
My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, “That would be better for me.” (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
“We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.” (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
January 21, 2010
FW: 25 Weird Interview Questions
1. What was your best McGuyver moment? Asked at Schlumberger
2. How many tennis balls are in this room and why? Asked at Yahoo
3. If you were a brick in a wall which brick would you be and why? Asked at Nestle USA
4. How would you move Mount Fuji? Asked at Microsoft.
5. If two cars are traveling in a two lap race on a track of any length, one going 60 mph and the other going 30mph, how fast will the slower car have to go to finish at the same car to finish at the same time? Asked at Morgan Stanley
6. Are your parents disappointed with your career aspirations? Asked at Fisher Investments
7. Tell me how you would determine how many house painters there are in the United States? Asked at Acquity Group
8. What should it cost to rent Central Park for commercial purposes? Asked at Bain & Co.
9. If I put you in a sealed room with a phone that had no dial tone, how would you fix it? Asked at Apple
10. If you could be any animal, what would you be and why? Asked at Pacific Sunwear
11. How many hair salons are there in Japan? Asked at Boston Consulting
12. If both a taxi and a limo were priced the exact same, which one would you choose? Asked at Best Buy
13. How to measure 9 minutes using only a 4 minute and 7 minute hourglass? Asked at Bank of America
14. What are 5 uncommon uses of a brick, not including building, layering, or a paper-weight? Asked at Kaplan High Education
15. What is the probability of throwing 11 and over with 2 dices Asked at American Airlines
16. What is your favorite food? Asked at Apple Store
17. Say you are dead, what do you think your eulogy would say about you. Asked at Nationwide
18. Given a dictionary of words, how do you calculate the anagrams for a new word? Asked at Amazon
19. How many lightbulbs are in this building? Asked at Monitor Group
20. Given a square grid of numbers, considering all the numbers at the boundary as one layer and numbers just inside as another layer and so on how would you rotate each of the layers of the numbers by a given amount. Asked at Microsoft
21. How would you sell me eggnog in Florida in the summer? Asked at Expedia
22. Develop an algorithm for finding the shortest distance between two words in a document. Take a few hours to develop a working example in C++ and send it to the interviewing manager. Asked at Google
23. Given a fleet of 50 trucks, each with a full fuel tank and a range of 100 miles, how far can you deliver a payload? You can transfer the payload from truck to truck, and you can transfer fuel from truck to truck. Extend your answer for n trucks. Asked at Palantir
24. You are in a room with 3 switches which correspond to 3 bulbs in another room and you don’t know which switch corresponds to which bulb. You can only enter the room with the bulbs once. You can NOT use any external equipment (power supplies, resistors, etc.). How do you find out which bulb corresponds to which switch? Asked at Goldman Sachs
25. If you saw someone steal a quarter. Would you report it? Asked at Amazon
December 9, 2009
FW: The Office Rendition of “Let it Snow”!
August 3, 2009
FW: My Resumay
My Re sumay
To hoom it mae cunsern,
I waunt to apply for the job what I saw
In the paper.
I kin Type realee qwik wit one finggar
And do sum a counting.
I think I am good on the fone
And I no I am a pepole person.
I no my spelling is not too good.
My salerery is open, I kin start emeditely.
Thank yoo in advanse fore yore anser.
Sinseerly,
Tiffanny
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short
I sent a pickture of me.
Employer’s response:…
Dearest Tiffany,
It’s OK honey, we’ve got “spell-check” and we certainly aren’t
judgemental. And We know talent when we see it !! We can tell by the
look on your face that you’ll make a great employee..!!
See you Monday.
May 26, 2009
FW: Employee Happiness Kit
NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES!
Due to the hard economic times and otherwise depressing state of the world today, all personnel will now be required to at least look happy while working.
Workloads getting to you?
Feeling stressed?
Too many priorities and assignments?
Company-approved supplies will be provided to each employee at little or no cost.
Here is the new, low-cost, company-approved solution to cope with multiple priorities and assignments! This new office equipment will help you to reach the end of a productive work day with a smile on your face!
Each employee will be supplied 2 paper clips and rubber bands. (See Fig. 1)
Assemble items. (Fig. 2)
Apply. (Fig. 3)
Fig. 1
Fig.2
Fig. 3
Enjoy your day
April 7, 2009
FW: How To Get The Job
These hard economic times require desperate measures. I can actually see someone trying this.
http://forwardeverforward.com/vids/jobinterview.flvMarch 4, 2009
FW: What To Do When Your Co-Worker is On Vacation
