August 1, 2011
FW: Lady in Waiting!
Archive for the ‘Women’ Category.
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May 25, 2011
FW: Three Men Cross a River Joke
One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so. The first man prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength to cross this river.” Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times.
Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength .. and the tools to cross this river.” Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.
The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, “Please God, give me the strength and the tools .. and the intelligence … to cross this river.” And Poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH …or to some smart guy who needs to remember “WHO” keeps him afloat!
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May 8, 2011
FW: Happy Mother’s Day 2011
A truly inspirational video about mother’s and women in general!
One more video for Mom! Really cute!!!
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May 7, 2011
FW: 8 Amazing Records By Mothers
Mother of Most Surviving Children From a Single Birth (8 babies)
Nadya Denise Doud-Suleman Gutierrez, known as Octomom in the media, is an American woman who came to international attention when she gave birth to octuplets in January 2009. The Suleman octuplets are only the second full set of octuplets to be born alive in the United States and, one week after their birth, surpassed the previous worldwide survival rate for a complete set of octuplets set by the Chukwu octuplets in 1998. The circumstances of their high order multiple birth have led to controversy in the field of assisted reproductive technology as well as an investigation by the Medical Board of California of the fertility specialist involved. Public reaction turned negative when it was discovered that the single mother already had other six young children at home at the time and was not financially independent. Suleman, who was unemployed and on public assistance programs at the time, conceived the octuplets and her six older children via in-vitro fertilization.
Mother With the Longest Interval Between Kids (41 years)
Elizabeth Ann Buttle had two kids, Belinda and Joseph, which is nothing special in itself. Belinda Buttle was born on May 19, 1956 when Elizabeth Ann Buttle was 19. The amazing part is the interval between the birth of Belinda and Joseph, it is the longest interval between births ever. Joseph Buttle was born on November 20, 1997 when Elizabeth Ann Buttle was 60, an interval of 41 years 185 days. If you’re familiar with the song “I am my own grandpa,” well, Joseph’s sister was old enough to be his own grandma!
World’s Smallest Mother (2ft 4in)
The world’s smallest mother is about to give birth for the third time – despite warnings she is risking her life. Stacey Herald, who is just 2ft 4in tall, was told that becoming pregnant could kill her, but she bravely defied doctors in order to have two babies half her height. The 35-year-old from Dry Ridge, Kentucky suffers from Osteogenesis Imperfecta, which causes brittle bones and underdeveloped lungs, and means to grow. Mrs Herald, who uses a wheelchair, and her husband Will, who is 6ft 4in, are eagerly awaiting the birth of their third baby, due in the next four weeks. Currently as wide as she is tall, she cannot hold her daughter because her belly gets in the way, and has to rely on her husband to do most things around the house. She admits being pregnant is “uncomfortable” and leaves her bedridden for weeks on end. By the time the new addition, a boy, is one, he will already tower over his mother. But despite all the obstacles, the mother and father, a trainee priest, say they want even more children. The couple met in 2000 while working for a supermarket in their home town
World’s Oldest First Time Mother (70 years old)
Meet Rajo Devi Lohan, the Indian woman who, in November 2008, gave birth to her first child—at the age of 70. She said she had waited for more than 40 years for this child and that she plans to breastfeed her for at least three years. And, who knows, maybe she will.
World’s Oldest Mother of Twins (70 years old)
She was utterly determined to have a son. The fact that to do so would make 70-year-old Omkari Panwar the world’s oldest mother didn’t even cross her mind. Her resolve was matched by her husband Charan Singh Panwar, 77. To pay for the IVF treatment vital to produce a male heir, the retired farmer sold his buffalos, mortgaged his land, spent his life savings and took out a credit card loan. And it all paid off when Mrs. Panwar gave birth to twins—a boy and a girl—by emergency aaesarean section in a hospital in Muzaffarnagar, India. The twins, born a month premature and weighing 2lb each, are healthy, according to doctors. The Panwars already have two adult daughters, and five grandchildren.
Mother to the Greatest Number Of Children That Are Not Twins
The mother with the greatest number of kids that are not twins is Livia Ionce. This Romanian woman, 44, gave birth to her 18th child in Canada in 2008.
Mother With The Most Children (69 kids)
Feodor Vassilyev (1707-1782), was a peasant from Shuya, Russia. Though not noteworthy himself, his first wife, Valentina Vassilyeva, set the record for most children birthed by a single woman. She gave birth to total of 69 children; however, few other details are known of her life, such as her date of birth or death. She gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, 7 sets of triplets and 4 sets of quadruplets between 1725 and 1765, in a total of 27 births. 67 of the 69 children born survived infancy.
Mother With The Most Children In Modern Times (64 kids)
The modern world record for giving birth is held by Leontina Albina from San Antonio, Chile. Now in her mid-sixties, she claims to be the mother of 64 children. Of these, 55 are documented.
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April 14, 2011
FW: The Manslater (Woman Language Translator)
The woman language translator. Finally the power to understand what she means.
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March 29, 2011
FW: Grandmother of all Blonde Jokes!!!
Yes, Here’s Another One:
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said…
You’ll love this. I know you will………..
“FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.”
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March 9, 2011
FW: Texas Highway Patrol On The Go!
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, “So y’all want to be cops, huh?”
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, “To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth.”
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. “Now,” he said, “did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?”
The blonde immediately said, “Yes, I did. He has only one eye!”
The detective shook his head and said, “Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It’s a profile of his face! You’re dismissed!”
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said,”What about you? Notice anything unusual or Outstanding about this man?”
“Yes! He only has one ear!”
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, “Didn’t you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man’s face! Of course you can only see one ear! You’re excused too!”
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, “This is probably a waste of time, but….” He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, “All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or
unusual about this man?”
The blonde said, “I sure did. This man wears contact lenses.” The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, “You’re absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?”
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, “Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can’t wear glasses.”
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February 21, 2011
FW: The Black Bra Test
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here’s how it all went.
Engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.’ Then we made passionate love all night long.
Mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.
My story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,
(you are going to love this)
“What’s for dinner, Zorro?”
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February 20, 2011
FW: The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a sports club. A cell phone on a bench rings. A man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes.”
WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$90,000.”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty thousand if it’s what you really want.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”
MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
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January 14, 2011
FW: Speeding Blonde
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports
car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more
agitated.
“What does it look like?” she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.”
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it
and handed it to the policewoman.
“Here it is,” she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
“OK, you can go.. I didn’t realize you were a cop.”