Archive for the ‘Church’ Category.
There once was a minister whose storefront church was called The Almighty God Tabernacle. One Sunday, this minister was working late, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. The phone rang and rang, but his wife didn’t answer the phone.
The minister hung up and tried again. This time his wife answered right away. He asked her why she hadn’t answered before, but she said that she hadn’t heard the phone ring. The minister brushed it off and didn’t give it a second thought.
The next day the phone the minister used to call his wife began to ring. He answered it and there was a long pause on the other end. Finally, a man quietly asked the minister why he had called the previous night.
The minister couldn’t figure out what the guy was talking about. Then the guy said, “My phone rang and rang, but I didn’t answer.” The minister then remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he intended to call his wife.
There was another long pause before the man said, “I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed, ‘God if you’re there, and you don’t want me to do this, give me a sign now.’ At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, ‘Almighty God.’ I was too afraid to answer!”
Related Posts:
A member of a certain church, who previously had been attending services regularly, stopped going. After a few weeks, the pastor decided to visit him. It was a chilly evening. The pastor found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire.
Guessing the reason for his pastor’s visit, the man welcomed him, led him to a comfortable chair near the fireplace and waited. The pastor made himself at home but said nothing. In the grave silence, he contemplated the dance of the flames around the burning logs.
After some minutes, the pastor took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth all alone. Then he sat back in his chair, still silent. The host watched all this in quiet contemplation. As the one lone ember’s flame flickered and diminished, there was a momentary glow and then its fire was no more.
Soon it was cold and dead. Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting. The Pastor glanced at his watch and realized it was time to leave, he slowly stood up, picked up the cold, dead ember and placed it back in the middle of the fire. Immediately it began to glow, once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it.
As the pastor reached the door to leave, his host said with a tear running down his cheek, “Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the fiery sermon. I shall be back in church next Sunday.”
Related Posts:
ONE SUNDAY MORNING, THE PASTOR NOTICED LITTLE ALEX STANDING IN THE FOYER OF THE CHURCH STARING UP AT A LARGE PLAQUE. IT WAS COVERED WITH NAMES AND SMALL AMERICAN FLAGS MOUNTED ON EITHER SIDE OF IT. THE SIX-YEAR OLD HAD BEEN STARING AT THE PLAQUE FOR SOME TIME, SO THE PASTOR WALKED UP, STOOD BESIDE THE LITTLE BOY, AND SAID QUIETLY, ‘GOOD MORNING ALEX.’
‘GOOD MORNING PASTOR,’ HE REPLIED, STILL FOCUSED ON THE PLAQUE… ‘PASTOR, WHAT IS THIS? ‘
THE PASTOR SAID, ‘WELL SON, IT’S A MEMORIAL TO ALL THE YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN WHO DIED IN THE SERVICE.’
SOBERLY, THEY JUST STOOD TOGETHER, STARING AT THE LARGE PLAQUE.
FINALLY, LITTLE ALEX’S VOICE, BARELY AUDIBLE AND TREMBLING WITH FEAR ASKED,
‘WHICH SERVICE, THE 8:30 OR THE 10:00?’
Related Posts:
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
———————————————————————-
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
———————————————————————-
The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”
———————————————————————-
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
———————————————————————-
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
———————————————————————-
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
———————————————————————-
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
———————————————————————
Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
———————————————————————
Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,”
giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
———————————————————————-
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
———————————————————————-
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
———————————————————————-
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: “Break Forth Into Joy.”
———————————————————————
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
———————————————————————
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
———————————————————————
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
———————————————————————
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children..
———————————————————————
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
———————————————————————
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
————————————————- ——————–
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
———————————————————————
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
———————————————————————-
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
———————————————————————
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
———————————————————————
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
———————————————————————-
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.
———————————————————————
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
———————————————————————-
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
———————————————————————-
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours”
Related Posts:
