November 7, 2011
FW: Memorable Senior Moment
Archive for the ‘Old Age’ Category.
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October 25, 2011
FW: Senior Halloween
You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say: “Great Boris Karloff Mask,” and you’re not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, “Trick or…” and can’t remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
And the number one reason Seniors should not go Trick Or Treating…
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1. You keep having to go home to pee.
No matter, have a HAPPY HALLOWEEN anyway
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September 18, 2011
FW: Senior Texting Codes
I thought you needed help with texting your friends. After all, the kids have all their little codes, like BFF, LOL, etc. So here are the codes for seniors:
ATD – At the Doctor’s
BFF – Best Friend’s Funeral
BTW – Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT – Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM – Covered by Medicare
CUATSC – See You at the Senior Center
DWI – Driving While Incontinent
FWBB – Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW – Forgot Where I Was
FYI – Found Your Insulin
GGPBL – Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA – Got Heartburn Again
HGBM – Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO – Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO – Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL – Living on Lipitor
LWO – Lawrence Welk’s On
OMMR – On My Massage Recliner
OMSG – Oh My! Sorry, Gas
ROFL…CGU – Rolling on the Floor Laughing…Can’t get Up!
TTYL – Talk to You Louder
WAITT – Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA – Wet the Furniture Again
WTP – Where’s the Prunes
WWNO – Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI – Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!
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June 23, 2011
FW: Yes, I’m A Senior Citizen!
Have a good laugh…it’s good for the soul!
THIS IS US!
YES, I’M A SENIOR CITIZEN!
I’m the life of the party—even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I’m very good at opening child proof caps—with a hammer.
I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a thing you’re saying.
I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.
I’m wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that’s just my left leg.
I’m beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.
Yes, I’m a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!
Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I wouldn’t send it back to them, but I would send it to many more too!
Spread the laughter
Share the cheer
Let’s be happy
While we’re here.
Go Green – Recycle CONGRESS!!
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April 20, 2011
FW: New Government Policy
BREAKING NEWS!!!
To save the economy, on APRIL 20th,
the government will start deporting all of the old people
in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs.
I started crying when I thought of you.
RUN, YOU OLD BUZZARD, RUN!!!
Well, what can I say?
Someone sent it to me
and I’m NOT going alone!
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August 24, 2010
FW: Bank Account
Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you’ve put in. So, you need to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories!
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A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with his hair fashionably combed and
shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.
His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.
After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.
As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.
I love it,’ he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.
Mr. Jones, you haven’t seen the room; just wait.’
‘That doesn’t have anything to do with it,’ he replied. Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time.
Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged .. it’s how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it.
‘It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the
parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.
Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I’ll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I’ve stored away.. Just for this time in
my life.
Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you’ve put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories!