March 16, 2012
FW: Chivalry is Alive and Well
Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category.
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March 9, 2012
FW: That Awkward Moment
We’ve all been here =)
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March 5, 2012
FW: Expensive Luxury Cats
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February 27, 2012
FW: Not the Smartest Thief
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February 24, 2012
FW: Our Taxes At Work
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February 22, 2012
FW: Be Nice
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February 18, 2012
FW: Arrested During a Haircut
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February 17, 2012
FW: The Baby Atheist
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February 15, 2012
FW: Google Confession
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February 10, 2012
FW: Go To Your Room
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February 8, 2012
FW: Chris Farley Reincarnated!
This little girl “Lives in a van down by the river!” =)
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February 5, 2012
FW: Super Bowl
A woman had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As she sat down, a man came along and asked her if anyone is sitting in the seat next to her.
“No,” she said, “the seat is empty.”
“This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?”
Somberly, the woman says, “Well, the seat actually belongs to me. I was supposed to come here with my husband, but he passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been to together since we got married in 1967.”
“Oh I’m sorry to hear that, that’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else—a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?”
The woman shakes her head, “No, they’re all at the funeral.”
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February 4, 2012
FW: Is that Grandma Planking?
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January 18, 2012
FW: A Call from Almighty God
There once was a minister whose storefront church was called The Almighty God Tabernacle. One Sunday, this minister was working late, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. The phone rang and rang, but his wife didn’t answer the phone.
The minister hung up and tried again. This time his wife answered right away. He asked her why she hadn’t answered before, but she said that she hadn’t heard the phone ring. The minister brushed it off and didn’t give it a second thought.
The next day the phone the minister used to call his wife began to ring. He answered it and there was a long pause on the other end. Finally, a man quietly asked the minister why he had called the previous night.
The minister couldn’t figure out what the guy was talking about. Then the guy said, “My phone rang and rang, but I didn’t answer.” The minister then remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he intended to call his wife.
There was another long pause before the man said, “I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed, ‘God if you’re there, and you don’t want me to do this, give me a sign now.’ At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, ‘Almighty God.’ I was too afraid to answer!”
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January 11, 2012
FW: Broken New Year Resolution
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January 7, 2012
FW: Two Fathers
Two blondes were sitting in a cafe drinking tea after an afternoon of shopping. When one of the blonde’s cell phone starts to ring. She answers it and starts to cry uncontrollably. After she gains control of her sobbing and can speak, she tells her friend that her father has just died.
A few minutes later, her cell phone rings again, she answers it and starts sobbing uncontrollably again. Finally she stops sobbing long enough to tell her friend that that was her brother and his father has just died too!!!
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January 6, 2012
FW: Best Toilet Paper Job!
I would hate to be the person who had this done to them!
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December 31, 2011
FW: 2012—The End of the World
Good by 2011, Hello End of the World!
HAPPY NEW YEAR’S EVE!
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December 17, 2011
FW: Funny Christmas Humor
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December 15, 2011
FW: The Meanest Christmas Prank
I don’t think too many people would find this very funny!
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December 10, 2011
FW: Facebook at the North Pole
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December 6, 2011
FW: Some Great Santa Jokes
Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The Elf-abet!
Q: What’s the most popular wine at Christmas?
A: “I don’t like sprouts!”
Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Missletoe!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
Q: Why does Santa have three gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.
Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll.
Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.
Q: What kind of bird can write?
A: A PENguin.
Q: How does Al Gore’s household keep Christmas politically correct?
A: On Christmas morning, they give the presents TO the tree.
Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
A: Sandy Claus!
Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleece Navidad!
Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.
Q: Why does Santa’s sled get such good mileage?
A: Because it has long-distance runners on each side.
Q: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp Cringle.
Q: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
A: Okay everyone, sack time!!
Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Snowflakes.
Q: If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A: A subordinate claus.
Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A: He wanted to sleep like a log.
Q: Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because the angel had said, “No L!”
Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
A: Santa caught in a revolving door!
Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it ” soots ” him!
Q: What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
A: Pour Santa flush on him.
Q: Did you hear that one of Santa’s reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?
A: Its true . . . Comet cleans sinks!
Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.
Q: Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
A: Because every buck is dear to him.
Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer “Olive?”
A: Yeah, you know, “Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names”
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
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December 4, 2011
FW: Frosty Picking His Nose
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December 1, 2011
FW: 3am “I Love You’s”
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November 30, 2011
FW: A Brave Man at the Dentist
A man said to the dentist, “Doc, I’m in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my truck waiting for us to go deer hunting, so forget about the anesthetic. I don’t have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have our feeders set to go off in thirty minutes. I don’t have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!’
The dentist thought to himself, “My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.”
So the dentist asks him, “Which tooth is it sir?”
The man turned to his wife and said, “Open your mouth Honey, and show him.