Funny | Forward Ever Forward

September 28, 2011

FW: The Real Story of How Angry Birds Came to be

FW: Wyoming Wisdom

Is the government really this out of touch with the working man?

The Sierra Club and U.S. Forest Service presented an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the Coyote population. Ranchers were using the tried-and-true method of shooting and trapping these predators.

The Sierra Club and U.S. Forest Service proposed a “More humane” solution: “Capture the Coyotes with non-injurious traps, castrate the males and turn them loose again.”

The ranchers remained silent for a few minutes, contemplating this new idea.

Finally one rancher in the back of the conference room stood up. Tipping his hat back, he said: “Son, I don’t think you understand our problem. Coyotes don’t screw our sheep—they eat’ ‘em!”

The meeting never really got back to order.

FW: Religious People Are Nerds

This is so funny and so true!

FW: Why Life is Hard After 20

On the first day, God created the dog and said: ‘Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.’

The dog said: ‘That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?’

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: ‘Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.’

The monkey said: ‘Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?’

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: ‘You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.’

The cow said: ‘That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years; How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?’

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said: ‘Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.’

But the human said: ‘Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?’

‘Okay,’ said God, ‘You asked for it.’

So, that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I’m doing it as a public service.