I got stopped for speeding yesterday!

I thought I could TALK MY WAY OUT OF IT until

the officer looked at my dog in the back seat.

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Love the clawmarks!

AN EASY WAY TO QUICKLY CLEAN YOUR TOILET

This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you

1. Put both lids of the toilet up, and add
1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in
the bowl.

———

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while
you carry him towards the bathroom.

———

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat
in the toilet and close the lid. You may
need to stand on the lid.

———

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.
Never mind the noises that come from the
toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

———

5. Flush the toilet three or four times.
This provides a power-wash and rinse.

———

6. Have someone open the front door of your home.
Be sure that there are no people between the
bathroom and the front door.

———

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can,
and quickly lift the lid.

———

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak
through the bathroom, and run outside where he
will dry himself off.

———

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,
The Dog

A mother is driving her little girl to
her friend’s house for a play date.

‘Mommy,’the little girl asks, ‘how old are  you?’

‘Honey, you are not supposed to ask a
lady her age,’the mother replied.
‘It’s not polite.’

‘OK’, the little girl says,
‘How much do you weigh?’

‘Now really,’ the mother says,
‘those are personal questions and
are really none of your business.’

Undaunted, the little girl asks,
‘Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?’

‘That’s enough questions, young lady!  Honestly!’
The exasperated mother walks away as
the two friends begin to play.

‘My Mom won’t tell me anything about
her,’ the little girl says to her friend.

‘Well,’ says the  friend,’all you need to do is
look at her driver’s license. It’s like a
report card, it has everything on it.’

Later that night the little girl says to her mother,
‘I know how old you are. You are 32.’

The mother is surprised and asks,
‘How did you  find that out?

‘I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.’

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
‘How in Heaven’s name did you find that  out?’

‘And,’ the little girl says triumphantly,
‘I know why you and daddy got a divorce.’

‘Oh really?’ the mother asks. ‘Why?’

‘Because you got an F in sex.’