Funny | Forward Ever Forward

February 5, 2012

FW: Super Bowl

A woman had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As she sat down, a man came along and asked her if anyone is sitting in the seat next to her.

“No,” she said, “the seat is empty.”

“This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?”

Somberly, the woman says, “Well, the seat actually belongs to me. I was supposed to come here with my husband, but he passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been to together since we got married in 1967.”

“Oh I’m sorry to hear that, that’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else—a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?”

The woman shakes her head, “No, they’re all at the funeral.”

FW: 3am “I Love You’s”

FW: True Courage…

. . . or true stupidity!

FW: Best Mullet Ever!

According to Wikipedia: The mullet is a hairstyle that is short at the front and sides, and long in the back. Often ridiculed as a lowbrow and unappealing hairstyle, the mullet began to appear in popular media in the 1960s and 1970s but did not become generally well-known until the early 1980s. It continued to be popular until the mid-1990s. In Canada, the northern United States and Sweden, the hairstyle is sometimes known as “hockey hair” or “hockey player haircut”, as it was common among ice hockey players in the 1980s, and this was a popular sport in all three regions during this time period.

FW: 50 Great Quotes for a Good Laugh

Heck is where people go who don’t believe in gosh. ~Anonymous
He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit. ~Anonymous
You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 Rs (reading, writing, and arithmetic), only one begins with an R. ~Dennis Miller
Where’s the “Any” key? ~Homer Simpson
If we’re not supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? ~Anonymous
If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners. ~Johnny Carson
A dislexic agnostic insomniac lies awake at night wondering if there’s a dog. ~Anonymous
Sometimes my mind wanders; other times it leaves completely. ~Anonymous
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. ~Joan Rivers
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the “Titanic” who waved off the dessert cart. ~Erma Louise Bombeck
My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim. ~Paula Poundstone
I saw a large woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said, ‘Thyroid problem? ~Arnold Schwarzenegger
The town where I grew up has a zip code of E-I-E-I-O. ~Martin Mull
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. ~Redd Foxx
There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don’t. ~Robert Benchley
Cheese—milk’s leap toward immortality. ~Clifton Fadiman
What if the hokey pokey really is what it’s all about? ~Anonymous
Before you can win a game, you have to not lose it. ~Chuck Noll
If you make every game a life and death proposition, you’re going to have problems. For one thing, you’ll be dead a lot. ~Dean Smith
There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago. ~Lewis Grizzard
Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies. ~Helen Hayes
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. ~Erma Bombeck
If you can’t be a good example ~then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning. ~Catherine
The point of quotations is that one can use another’s words to be insulting. ~Amanda Cross
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. ~Mark Russell
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. ~Anonymous
I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the manmade sound never equaled the purity of the sound achieved by the pig. ~Alfred Hitchcock
Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t after you. ~Anonymous
I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend. ~Emo Phillips
The entire economy of the Western world is built on things that cause cancer. ~From the 1985 movie Bliss
Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is. ~P. J. O’Rourke
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it. ~Mary Wilson Little
What’s a synonym for Thesaurus? ~Anonymous
He who laughs last, thinks slowest. ~Anonymous
Veni, Vidi, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. ~Anonymous
Procrastinate later. ~Anonymous
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks so. ~Anonymous
I’m going to memorize your name and throw my head away. ~Oscar Levant
It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can’t speak for my twin sister. ~Abigail Van Buren
Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money. ~Joey Bishop
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. ~Doug Larson
A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t. ~Anonymous
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. ~Robert X. Cringely
If all the world’s a stage, I want to operate the trap door. ~Paul Beatty
I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my shelf. ~Robert Bloch
If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt. ~Dean Martin
Don’t knock the weather. If it didn’t change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn’t start a conversation. ~Kin Hubbard
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. ~Lisa Grossman
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. ~National Lampoon
Money talks…but all mine ever says is good-bye. ~Anonymous

FW: UFO Prank

Definitely a little extra effort for this prank, but it would be worth it!

FW: Follow Me

FW: The Smart Blonde Password

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
“MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento.”

When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

FW: Would You Sit Down?

I really wonder what the statistics would be for an average couple in this situation?

Forward Ever Forward

FW: Super Bowl

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