December 31, 2010
FW: Top 25 of the Funniest New Year Resolutions
Well, here it is the last day of 2010. Hopefully, the below new year resolutions can help you get a start on 2011 Ü.
25. I will never again take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
24. I will no longer waste my time relieving the past, instead I will spend it worrying about the future.
23. I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses.
22. I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.
21. I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water.
20. I will assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing.
19. I will stop saying,” Ooh, that feels nice” whenever the security guys frisk me at airports.
18. I will try to figure out why I “really” need nine e-mail addresses.
17. I resolve to work with neglected children—my own.
16. I will stop Instant Messaging and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
15. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, does not include email, IM, Facebook, or YouTube.
14. I will stop bringing lunch from home and eat out more. Lunch is too good to waste on leftovers.
13. I will think of a password other than “password,” “hello,” and/or “123456.”
12. I will stop considering other people’s feelings when they so obviously don’t consider mine—I will tell my girlfriend she needs to brush her teeth before we kiss.
11. I will not hang around girls – they think you love them and that sucks.
10. I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.
09. I will spend more time expanding my horizons by more watching TV.
08. I will read less, it depresses me.
07. I am tired of dieting, I will push myself to gain at least 30 pounds this year!
06. I will stop exercising. It is wasting all of my free time.
05. I will enjoy life more by procrastinating.
04. I will get drunk at least once a week. This should help me better my outlook on life.
03. I am to critical I will start being more superstitious.
02. I will spend more time at work–is forty hours really giving it my best efforts?
01. I promise to stick to my resolutions for more than a week!
