December 18, 2010
FW: Maxine Christmas
Archive for the ‘Maxine’ Category.
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March 2, 2010
FW: Senior Health Care Solution –according to Maxine
So you’re a senior citizen and the government says no health care for you,
what do you do?
Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets.
You are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives.
Of Course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will
get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need!
New teeth, no problem.
Need glasses, great.
New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart?
All covered.
(And your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now).
And who will be paying for all of this?
The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care.
Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any income taxes anymore.
IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?
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February 10, 2010
FW: WalMart Greeter Maxine Style
Unfortunately, as I have gotten older, I have become a little less sensitive. So, after trying my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, last weekend (a good find for many retirees), I lasted less than a day……
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, coyote ugly, nasty woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, ‘Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?’
The ugly, nasty woman stopped yelling long enough to say, ‘Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?’
So I replied, ‘I’m neither blind nor stupid, Ma’am. I just find it hard to believe you got laid twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.’
My 25 year old supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work…….. soooo maybe I’ll go fishing.
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October 28, 2009
FW: Nothing Really Changes
Do you know what happened 158 years ago this fall….. back in 1850?
California became a state.
The people had no electricity.
The state had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.
So basically nothing has changed except the women had real breasts and the men didn’t hold hands.
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October 6, 2009
FW: Five New Boyfriends
I am seeing 5 gentlemen every day….!
As soon as I wake up,
Will Power helps me get out of bed
Then I go to see John
Then Charlie Horse comes along, and when he is here, he takes a lot of my time and attention…
When he leaves,
Arthur Ritis
shows up & stays the rest of the day…he doesnt like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint…
After such a busy day, I’m really tired & glad
To go to bed with Ben Gay
What a Life!…Oh yes, I’m also flirting with Al Zymer…
And thinking of calling JACK DANIELS or JOHNNY WALKER to come and keep me company!!
REMEMBER: Life is like a roll of toilet paper …the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes..
So have fun, think good thoughts only….. learn to laugh at yourself and count your blessings!
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July 25, 2009
FW: Can there ever be too much Maxine?
Everybody has a little of Maxine inside them…
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July 23, 2009
FW: More Maxine
You gotta love her!
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July 22, 2009
FW: Maxine for 2009
You Gotta Love Maxine!
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July 12, 2009
FW: Maxine on Immigration
I am sorry but after hearing they want to sing the National Anthem in Spanish — enough is enough. Nowhere did they sing it in Italian, Polish, Irish (Celtic,) German or any other language because of immigration. It was written by Francis Scott Key and should be sung word for word the way it was written. The news broadcasts even gave the translation — not even close. Sorry if this offends anyone but this is MY COUNTRY – IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY SPEAK UP —- please pass this along
I am not against immigration — but just come through like everyone else. Get a sponsor; have a place to lay your head; have a job; pay your taxes, live by the rules AND LEARN THE LANGUAGE as all other immigrants have in the past — and GOD BLESS AMERICA!
Think about this: If you don’t want to forward this for fear of offending someone—–YOU’RE PART OF THE PROBLEM
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March 27, 2009
FW: Heavenly e-mail
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.
When he returned, he told God, ‘Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.
God thought for a moment and said, ‘Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.’
So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.
When the angel returned he went to God and said, ‘Yes, it’s true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.’
God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?
Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn’t get one either.