February 22, 2011
FW: Real Men Use Duct Tape
Archive for the ‘Men’ Category.
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February 21, 2011
FW: The Black Bra Test
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here’s how it all went.
Engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.’ Then we made passionate love all night long.
Mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.
My story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,
(you are going to love this)
“What’s for dinner, Zorro?”
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February 20, 2011
FW: The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a sports club. A cell phone on a bench rings. A man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes.”
WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$90,000.”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty thousand if it’s what you really want.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”
MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
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January 7, 2011
FW: The Perfect Guy
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you…. The one who turns to his friends and says, “that’s her.”
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November 29, 2010
FW: It All Began with an iPhone…
March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday, and I got him an iPhone.
He just loved it. Who wouldn’t?
I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when
she bought me an iPad.
My daughter’s birthday was in August so I got her an iPod Touch.
September came by so for her birthday i got my wife an iRon.
It was around then that the fight started……
What the wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.
This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service
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November 9, 2010
FW: Why You Should Encourage Teenagers to Play Video Games
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October 19, 2010
FW: Why Men Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Take Phone Messages
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July 23, 2010
FW: Why Boys Need Parents
Why boys need parents…
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June 3, 2010
FW: Macho Skeet
Dedicated to Gatsby and Charlie! We doubt you will get to do this type of skeet shooting while in America.
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June 1, 2010
FW: A Wife’s $20 Savings
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and
asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused
state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 40
years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes
and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a
very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer
was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he’d be able to find another position
that paid anywhere near what he’d been earning, and therefore, they were
financially ruined. Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more
than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then
she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over
$2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for more than three decades she had ‘charged’ him for sex, these
holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband
was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
‘If I’d had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!’
That’s when she shot him.
You know, sometimes, men just don’t know when to keep their mouths shut