Forward Ever Forward

Dedicated to Gatsby and Charlie! We doubt you will get to do this type of skeet shooting while in America.

MANLY BBQ….IS…… A Man’s Grill!

Now this is a BBQ guaranteed to get everyone’s attention……I think it should be towed with the barrel facing backwards…then you wouldn’t have to worry about anyone tailgating you….I don’t know for sure but my guess is the owner is from Texas!!!!!!

BBQ RULES

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine…
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine…
(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat

Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine…
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ‘ her night off ‘ and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women!

Note: All “real men” answer “C” to all of these questions.  Knowing this, women will have come far in understanding men and enriching their own lives.

1.  Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth and you are the first human they encounter.  As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth.  You decide:

A.  Present it to the President of the United States.
B.  Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C.  Take it apart.

2.  As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?
A.  Innocence.
B.  Idealism.
C.  Cherry bombs.

3.  When is it okay to kiss another male?

A.  When you have decided to switch teams.
B.  When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.)
C.  When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.

4.  What about hugging another male?

A.  If he’s your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease.
B.  If you’re performing the Heimlich Maneuver.
C.  If you’re a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a home run to win the World Series, you may hug him provided that:
(1) He is legally within the base path,
(2) Both of you are wearing sufficient protection, and
(3) You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to cause fractures.

5.  In your opinion, the ideal pet is…

A.  A cat
B.  A dog
C.  A dog that eats cats

6.  You have been seeing a woman for several years.  She’s attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her.  One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy.  You’re watching a football game; she’s reading the papers.  Suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, she tells you that she thinks she really loves you but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going.  She says she’s not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together.  What do you say?

A.  That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don’t want to rush it.
B.  That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot Honestly say that you’ll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don’t want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C.  That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third and seventeen.

7.  Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her – sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may.  How do you tell her?
A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B.  You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach and you say her name. When she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C.  Tell her what?

8.  One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school.  Your first question to her is:
A.  “Do they need to eat or anything?”
B.  “They’re in school already?”
C.  “There are three of them?”

9.  When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
A.  When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you’re not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
B.  When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
C.  It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear.  A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody (and we are not naming names, but this would be his wife) is quietly trying to discard them.

10.  What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?
A.  He was being tested.
B.  He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally
got there.
C.  He refused to ask for directions.

11.  What is the human race’s single greatest achievement?
A.  Democracy.
B.  Religion.
C.  The remote control.