Forward Ever Forward

Dedicated to all you minivan men who are trying to make the family van hip!!!!!

A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la casa.’
‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’

A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer’ should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that ‘computer’ should definitely be of the feminine gender (‘la computadora’), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (‘el computador’), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model..

The women won.

Send this to all the smart women you know…and all the men that have a sense of humor.

This audio clip captures probably the most arrogant guy alive leaving a message for a girl he picked up on. You couldn’t make this stuff up! Extremely funny.

LISTEN TO MESSAGE

If you were around in 1919, you might have come across the following Mormon poster…

I mean, seriously, wouldn’t you just keep drinking?

He was just a little boy,
On a week’s first day.
Wandering home from Bible school,
And dawdling on the way.

He scuffed his shoes into the grass;
He even found a caterpillar.
He found a fluffy milkweed pod,
And blew out all the ‘filler.’

A bird’s nest in a tree overhead,
So wisely placed up so high.
Was just another wonder,
That caught his eager eye.

A neighbor watched his zig-zag course,
And hailed him from the lawn;
Asked him where he’d been that day
And what was going on.

‘I’ve been to Bible School,’
He said and turned a piece of sod.
He picked up a wiggly worm replying,
‘I’ve learned a lot about God.’

‘M’m very fine way,’ the neighbor said,
‘for a boy to spend his time.’
‘If you’ll tell me where God is,
I’ll give you a brand new dime.’

Quick as a flash the answer came!
Nor were his accents faint.
‘I’ll give you a dollar, Mister,
If you can tell me where God ain’t.’

Psalms 91: The Angels are watching over you and me.

REMEMBER . . . .

I don’t do windows because …

I love birds and

don’t want one to run into a clean window

and get hurt.

I don’t wax floors because …

I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt

then I’ll feel terrible

( plus they may sue me.)

I don’t mind the dust bunnies because …

They are very good company,

I have named most of them,

and they agree with everything I say.

I don’t disturb cobwebs because …

I want every creature to have a home of their own.

I don’t Spring Clean because …

I love all the seasons

and don’t want the others to get jealous

I don’t pull weeds in the garden because …

I don’t want to get in God’s way,

HE is an excellent designer!

I don’t put things away because …

My husband

will never be able to find them again.

I don’t do gourmet meals when I entertain because …

I don’t want my guests to

stress out over what to make when

they invite me over for dinner.

I don’t iron because …

I choose to believe them

when they say “Permanent Press”.

I don’t stress much on anything because …

“A Type” personalities die young and

I want to stick around

and become a wrinkled up crusty ol’ woman!!!!

Dear Tide,
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product. Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.

This was a potrait on a wall at a KFC in the Midwest. The question is: Is this a photo of a baby posing with some buckets of chicken; or the Colonel’s chicken posing with a baby? I am thinking the latter.