Family | Forward Ever Forward

June 19, 2011

FW: Dads Are Awesome And Funny! Happy Father’s Day!

FW: Your Angel

Once upon a time there was a child ready to be born. So one day he asked God: “They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?”

God replied, “Among the many angels, I chose one for you. She will be waiting for you and will take care of you.”

“But tell me, here in Heaven, I don’t do anything else but sing and smile, that’s enough for me to be happy.”

“Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you every day. And you will feel your angel’s love and be happy.”

“And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me, if I don’t know the language that men talk?”

“Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak.”

“And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?”

“Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.”

“I’ve heard that on earth there are bad men. Who will protect me?”

“Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life.”

“But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.”

“Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way for you to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you.”

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from earth could already be heard, and the child in a hurry asked softly:

“Oh God, if I am about to leave now, please tell me my angel’s name.”

“Your angel’s name is of no importance, you will call your angel: Mommy.”

FW: Inspirational Speech From a 6 Year Old

You gotta love this kid’s passion. If your kids have fear of riding a bike this boy should inspire them to do better.

FW: Sleepy Man Banjo Boys

Brothers Jonny Mizzone age 8 on banjo, Robbie Mizzone age 12 on fiddle, and Tommy Mizzone age 13 on guitar. It’s insane that anyone at that age can play those instruments that well!

FW: Motherhood–An Eternal Calling

We know that mother’s day was yesterday, but can you really appreciate your mother too much? Elder Jeffrey R. Holland shares an encouraging tribute to mothers who, through both challenges and accomplishments, work in partnership with God to raise His children. Read his entire talk.

FW: Japanese Kids VS Zombie Prank

The subtitles on this youtube video alone are priceless! You gotta love kids!

FW: Happiness is a Decision

Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time.

It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up.

I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I’ll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I’ve stored away. Just for this time in my life.

Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you’ve put in.

So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories!

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred.
Free your mind from worries.
Live simply
Give more.
Expect less.

FW: Child Stand Up Comedian

This is a 11 year old boy doing stand up comedy at his school. I was really impressed. I loved his Justin Bieber joke =). Great job!!!

FW: The Big Debate of Dadaism

FW: The Evil Eye Baby

FW: Children in Church

A little boy was in a relative’s wedding.
As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps,
Stop, and turn to the crowd.
While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar.
So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard
By the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said,
“I was being the Ring Bear.”

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One Sunday in a Midwest City,
A young child was “acting up” during the morning worship hour.
The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew
But were losing the battle.
Finally, the father picked the little fellow up
And walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.
Just before reaching the safety of the foyer,
The little one called loudly to the congregation,
“Pray for me! Pray for me!”

——————————————————————————–

One particular four-year old prayed,
“And forgive us our trash baskets
As we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”

——————————————————————————–

A little boy was overheard praying:
“Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it.
I’m having a real good time like I am.”

——————————————————————————–

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike,
And as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform,
Jerking the mike cord as he went.
Then he moved to one side,
Getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.
After several circles and jerks,
A little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered,
“If he gets loose, will he hurt us?”

——————————————————————————–

Six-year old Angie , and her four-year old brother, Joel,
were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough.
“You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church.”
“Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
“See those two men standing by the door?
They’re hushers.”

——————————————————————————–

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked ,
“Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?”
I mentally polished my halo, while I asked,
“No, how are we alike?”
“You’re both old,” he replied.

——————————————————————————–

A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother,
was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible.
Then, one day, she floored her grandmother by asking,
“Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus ? The virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?”

——————————————————————————–

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments.
They were ready to discuss the last one.
The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.
Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted,
“Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor’s wife.”

FW: Star Wars According to a 3 Year Old

FW: The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a sports club. A cell phone on a bench rings. A man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello”

WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes.”

WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: “$90,000.”

MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty thousand if it’s what you really want.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”

MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

He turns and asks, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”

FW: Love is Blind!

In an obvious move to prove that love is blind, a recently wedded couple dodged death by a hair’s breadth when posing for a photo on railroad tracks. Gratefully, the blinding love a Western Siberian couple wasn’t too powerful as they and a friend jumped from the platform just as a train was approaching. The obvious fact that the attempt to take these photos posed serious danger to this group seemed to escape them. The couple posed, hugging each other on the tracks, while the third member of the thrill-seeking trio prepared to take a shot with his camera.

“This photo could have been the last in the newly weds’ lives,” said a traffic police spokesman Aleksey Grinko. Luckily, all three were dragged back on the platform before the train could run them over.

Explaining the escapade, which nearly made them eligible for the Darwin Award, the couple said they thought it was very romantic. They were fined and released by the police, who commented: “Hopefully, the youngsters will learn from the lesson.”

Ironically, regardless of the daring feat, the couple was left without a photo to remember their adventure by.

FW: A Baby’s Hug

We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly sitting and talking. Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, “Hi.” He pounded his fat baby hands on the high chair tray. His eyes were crinkled in laughter and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin, as he wriggled and giggled with merriment.

I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a man whose pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of would-be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed. His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map.

We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled.. His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists.. “Hi there, baby; hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster,” the man said to Erik.

My husband and I exchanged looks, “What do we do?”

Erik continued to laugh and answer, “Hi.”

Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby. Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room,”Do ya patty cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek- a-boo.”

Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk.

My husband and I were embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was running through his repertoire for the admiring skid-row bum, who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments.

We finally got through the meal and headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot. The old man sat poised between me and the door. “Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Erik,” I prayed. As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to sidestep him and avoid any air he might be breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a baby’s “pick-me-up” position. Before I could stop him, Erik had propelled himself from my arms to the man.

Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love and kinship. Erik in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his tiny head upon the man’s ragged shoulder. The man’s eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath his lashes. His aged hands full of grime, pain, and hard labor, cradled my baby’s bottom and stroked his back. No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time.

I stood awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms and his eyes opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, “You take care of this baby.”

Somehow I managed, “I will,” from a throat that contained a stone.

He pried Erik from his chest, lovingly and longingly, as though he were in pain. I received my baby, and the man said, “God bless you, ma’am, you’ve given me a great gift.”

I said nothing more than a muttered thanks. With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, “‘My God, my God, forgive me.”

I had just witnessed Christ’s love shown through the innocence of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes. I was a Christian who was blind, holding a child who was not.. I felt it was God asking, “‘Are you willing to share your son for a moment?” when He shared His for all eternity. How did God feel when he put his baby in our arms 2000 years ago.

The ragged old man, unwittingly, had reminded me, “To enter the Kingdom of God , we must become as little children.”

FW: A Father’s Creativity at its Best!

Jason Lee is a wedding photographer by trade, but it is when he turns his camera onto his daughters that is when we see a father’s pride shine through.

FW: Tim Hawkins – Aging Rock Stars

FW: One Last Christmas

FW: Dear Santa From Mom

Dear Santa,

I’ve been a good mom all year. I’ve fed, cleaned and cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctor’s office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground and figured out how to attach nine patches onto my daughter’s girl scout sash with staples and a glue gun.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son’s red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I’ll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I’d like a pair of legs that don’t ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don’t flap in the breeze but are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store. I’d also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy. If you’re hauling big ticket items this year I’d like a car with fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn’t broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking daughter doll that says, “Yes, Mommy” to boost my parental confidence, along with one potty-trained toddler, two kids who don’t fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, “Don’t eat in the living room” and ‘Take your hands off your brother,’ because my voice seems to be just out of my children’s hearing range and can only be heard by the dog. And please don’t forget the Playdoh Travel Pack, the hottest stocking stuffer this year for mothers of preschoolers. It comes in three fluorescent colors and is guaranteed to crumble on any carpet making the in-laws’ house seem just like mine. If it’s too late to find any of these products, I’d settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container. If you don’t mind I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family; or if my toddler didn’t look so cute sneaking downstairs to eat contraband ice cream in his pajamas at midnight.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney and come in and dry off by the fire so you don’t catch a cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table but don’t eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always…Mom.

P.S. – One more thing…you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.

FW: Christmas Divorce

A man in Calgary calls his son in Regina the day before Christmas Eve and says,

“I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough”.

“Dad, what are you talking about?’” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer”, the father says.
“We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Stoughton and tell her”.

Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, “Like hell they’re getting divorced”, she shouts, “I’ll take care of this”.

She calls Calgary immediately and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
“Done! They’re coming for Christmas – and they’re paying their own way.”