August 24, 2011
FW: Groom Surprises Fiancé With Wedding
My wife would never have gone for this!
Archive for the ‘Husbands’ Category.
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February 20, 2011
FW: The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a sports club. A cell phone on a bench rings. A man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes.”
WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$90,000.”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty thousand if it’s what you really want.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”
MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
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November 29, 2010
FW: It All Began with an iPhone…
March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday, and I got him an iPhone.
He just loved it. Who wouldn’t?
I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when
she bought me an iPad.
My daughter’s birthday was in August so I got her an iPod Touch.
September came by so for her birthday i got my wife an iRon.
It was around then that the fight started……
What the wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.
This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service
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April 11, 2010
FW: Relationship Science
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October 9, 2009
FW: What to Wear when Your Wife has Chores for You
…….. Look at it again ……….
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August 26, 2009
FW: Tech Support
Yahoo Jan 05/27 Tech Language
Installing A Husband
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as premierleague 5.0,and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Disgusting Body Noises and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0
Respectfully,
S. Rajgopal
National Accounts Services,
Global Delivery Team,
Hyderabad, India.
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July 9, 2009
FW: Camping Treat
Mike was attending his 4X4 club’s monthly meeting and had just told them he couldn’t make the camping trip scheduled for the next day because his wife wouldn’t let him go.
After listening to the jeers and other derisive remarks from his fellow 4X4 friends Mike left to go back home to his wife.
When Mike’s friends started arriving to set up camp the next day, who should be there but Mike sitting up in front of his truck, tent up, fishing rod in hand, camp oven roast stewing away in a hot bed of coals.
“How did ya talk your wife into letting you go Mike?”
“I didn’t have to” was Mike’s reply.
“When I left the meeting I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows. Then my wife snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, ‘Surprise’!”
“When I peeled her hands back she was standing there in a beautiful see-through negligee and she said, “Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want.”
“So here I am!”
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February 4, 2009
FW: Box of Chocolates
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a white bag on the seat next to Sally.
“What in bag?” asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the white bag and said, “It’s a box of chocolates. I got it for my husband.”
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, “Good trade.”