The Pity Train has just derailed at the intersection of Suck It Up & Move On and crashed into – We All Have Problems, before coming to a complete stop at – Get the Hell Over It. Reporting LIVE from Quitchur Bitchin’!

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Text from ThanksNo.com

Thanks. No.

Hi. The person who sent you this link is a friend who likes you a lot but who wants you to respect their email address, their privacy, and their time.

Chances are, this person asked you to visit this page because you did one of these things:

• Forwarded a funny story, a virus warning, or a photo that you enjoyed
• Sent email to lots of people using the “To:” line (instead of the “BCC:” line), thereby exposing your friend’s email address to strangers
• CC’d your friend unnecessarily on something you had sent primarily to someone else

In any case, you might want to go back and have another look at the email they’re replying to. They asked you to visit here because, while they love getting one-on-one, personal messages from you, they really don’t want to receive more messages like the one you just sent. Cool?

You’re not a bad person, and no one hates you, but it would be valuable to learn the very personal preferences of your friends, family members, and co-workers before including them in unrequested email or choosing to expose their private address to people they don’t know.

Thanks for understanding, and if this same thing ever happens to you, feel free to reply to an email you don’t want by pasting this in:

Hi there, beloved friend of this email recipient:

Please visit http://thanksno.com/

Because this person likes getting personal messages from you, but doesn’t want any more email like this, please.

Love, 
ThanksNo.com

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I just want to thank all my friends and loved ones for the educational emails over the past year…

           Because of your warning I live in a zip-lock plastic bag with clean oxygen piped in after passing through 18 filters which are replaced each hour.

           Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

           I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the channels.

           I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

           I can’t enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.

           I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking your nose.

           Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

           I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

           I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

           Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

           I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

           I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .

           I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St.Theresa’s novena has granted my every wish.

           I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

           I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

           Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

           Because  of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

           I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas.

           I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.

           I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

           And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face…disfiguring me for life.

           I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS .

           I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

           I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

           I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

           I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for  which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .

           I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.

           Thanks to you, I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

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