Forward Ever Forward

Guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini.”The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “168″. The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”. Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “100.” The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”, and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “Uh, about 50.” The robot leans in real close and says, “So, are you still happy you voted for Obama?”

Submitted By: Nicole (New Orleans, LA)

Pictured below is a young physician by the name of Dr. Starner Jones. His short two-paragraph letter to the White House accurately puts the blame on a “Culture Crisis” instead of a “Health Care Crisis.” It’s worth a quick read:

Dear Mr. President:

During my shift in the Emergency Room last night, I had the pleasure of evaluating a patient whose smile revealed an expensive shiny gold tooth, whose body was adorned with a wide assortment of elaborate and costly tattoos, who wore a very expensive brand of tennis shoes and who chatted on a new cellular telephone equipped with a popular R&B ringtone.

While glancing over her patient chart, I happened to notice that her payer status was listed as “Medicaid!” During my examination of her, the patient informed me that she smokes more than one costly pack of cigarettes every day and somehow still has money to buy pretzels and beer.

And, you and our Congress expect me to pay for this woman’s health care? I contend that our nation’s “health care crisis” is not the result of a shortage of quality hospitals, doctors or nurses. Rather, it is the result of a “crisis of culture,” a culture in which it is perfectly acceptable to spend money on luxuries and vices while refusing to take care of one’s self or, heaven forbid, purchase health insurance. It is a culture based in the irresponsible credo that “I can do whatever I want to because someone else will always take care of me.”

Once you fix this “culture crisis” that rewards irresponsibility and dependency, you’ll be amazed at how quickly our nation’s health care difficulties will disappear.

Respectfully,
STARNER JONES, MD

A friend sent this along to me. I can’t think of a reason to disagree.

I am sending this to virtually everybody on my e-mail list and that includes conservatives, liberals, and everybody in between. Even though we disagree on a number of issues, I count all of you as friends. My friend and neighbor wants to promote a “Congressional Reform Act of 2010.” It would contain eight provisions, all of which would probably be strongly endorsed by those who drafted the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

I know many of you will say, “this is impossible.” Let me remind you, Congress has the lowest approval of any entity in Government, now is the time when Americans will join together to reform Congress – the entity that represents us.

We need to get a Senator to introduce this bill in the US Senate and a Representative to introduce a similar bill in the US House. These people will become American hero’s.
Thanks,

A Fellow American

————————————–

Congressional Reform Act of 2010

1. 12 year term limit only. One of the possible options are: two Six year Senate terms; six Two year House terms; one Six year Senate term and three Two Year House terms
2. No Tenure/No Pension. A congressman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they are out of office.
3. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security. All funds in the Congressional retirement fund moves to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system, Congress participates with the American people.
4. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan just as all Americans.
5. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.
6. Congress looses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.
7. Congress must equally abide in all laws they impose on the American people.
8. All contracts with past and present congressmen are void effective 1/1/11. The American people did not make this contract with congressmen, congressmen made all these contracts for themselves.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, serve your term(s), then go home and back to work.

TWO COW (POLITICAL PHILOSOPHIES)

A CONSERVATIVE: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A LIBERAL: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You write to your congressman, demanding that he or she passes legislation for more government programs to help your neighbor get a cow. Your congressman taxes your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. Your congressman takes your tax money and buys your cow and gives it to your neighbor. You feel vindicated.

A DEMOCRACY PUREST: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair “Cowgate.”

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows and you give one to your neighbour.

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows, the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

A FASCIST: You have two cows, the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

A NAZI: You have two cows, The Government takes both and shoots you.

MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

A TOTALITARIANIST: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

A BUREAUCRAT: You have two cows, the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away.

A FEMINIST: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.

AN ENVIRONMENTALIST: You have two cows, but the government bans you from milking or killing them.

AN ANARCHIST: You had two cows, but they were killed when everyone rioted and overthrew the government.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of “ownership”is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

TWO COW (CULTURE PHILOSOPHIES)

A COUNTER CULTERIST: You have two cows. They eat your hemp. You drink their milk for medicinal reasons.

A SURREALIST: You have two cows, but you paint two giraffes to depict what your subconsciousness might think are cows. For your efforts the government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

A FATALIST: You have two cows. You know they will die, so you don’t feed them. They die, which you knew would happen.

A ZENIST: Cows happen, sometimes twice.

TWO COW (BUSINESS PHILOSOPHIES)

A TRADITIONAL CAPITALIST: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You outsource one to India, and inhouse the other and force it to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the outsourced cow is still producing milk and the inhoused cow dropped dead.

A CANADIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You can’t sell your milk due to an 1970 agreement with the United States that you would only buy their milk.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.

AN EUROPEAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but everybody is buying cheaper milk imported from an east European country. You receive financial aid from the European Union to subsidise your cows. You sell your milk to some government-owned distributor, which then dumps your milk onto the market at east European prices to make Europe competitive.

AN IRISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You ask for an EU subsidy for your failed breeding program.

A FINNISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have to kill one of them due to European Union stating that there is an overproduction of milk in the Netherlands.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You drink some vodka and count them again. You have five cows. The Russian Mafia shows up and takes however many cows you have.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both and milk the outsourced American cow.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You make menudo soup out of them, and then take a siesta.

AN EGYPTIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are voting for Mubarak!

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.

A TALIBAN CORPORATION: You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

A SINGAPORE CORPORATION: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed animals in an apartment.

A HONG KONG CAPITALIST: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows’ milk back to the listed company and proceeds from the sale are deferred. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION: You have two cows. One cow is probably Tangata Whenua and therefor feels the other cow should not be considered a New Zealand cow.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. So, you kill one and put it on the barbie to celebrate.

BERNARD MEDOFF: You have two cows. You tell your clients you have 20 cows. You sell one cow to show revenue, leaving you with nineteen cows. The annual report says that the company increased in profit to twenty-eight cows, with an option on ten more. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

1907 PHOTO

The year is 1907, one hundred and 2 years ago.

READ PRINT UNDER PICTURE!

Theodore Roosevelt’s ideas on Immigrants and being an AMERICAN in 1907.

‘In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person’s becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American…There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn’t an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag…. We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language… And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people.’

Theodore Roosevelt 1907

A woman from Los Angeles , CA who was a tree hugger, a democrat,and an anti-hunter,
purchased a piece of timberland, near Colville , WA .
There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract.
She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so
she started to climb the big tree. As she neared
the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.
In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree
to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.

In considerable pain, she hurried to Mt. Carmel ER
to see a Doctor. She told him she was
an environmentalist, a democrat,
and an anti-hunter and how she came
to get all the splinters. The doctor
listened to her story with great patience and
then told her to go wait in the
examining room and he would see if
he could help her. She sat and waited three hours
before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, What took you so long?

He smiled and then told her, Well, I had to get permits
from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service,
and the Bureau of Land Management before I could
remove old-growth timber from a recreational area.
I’m sorry, but they turned me down.
GOD BLESS AMERICA

545 vs. 300,000,000 (Republicans & Democrats Alike)

EVERY CITIZEN NEEDS TO READ THIS AND THINK ABOUT WHAT THIS JOURNALIST HAS WRITTEN IN THIS MESSAGE. READ IT AND THEN REALLY THINK ABOUT OUR CURRENT POLITICAL DEBACLE.

Charley Reese has been a journalist for 49 years.

545 PEOPLE
By Charlie Reese

Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.

Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?

Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?

You and I don’t propose a federal budget. The President does.

You and I don’t have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.

You and I don’t write the tax code, Congress does.

You and I don’t set fiscal policy, Congress does.

You and I don’t control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.

One hundred Senators, 435 Congressmen, one President, and nine Supreme Court justices — 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.

I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.

I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a President to do one cotton-picking thing. I don’t care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator’s responsibility to determine how he votes.

Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party. What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits. The president can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.

The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes.

Who is the speaker of the House? Nancy Pelosi. She is the leader of the majority party. She and fellow House members, not the President, can approve any budget they want. If the President vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.

It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million cannot replace 545 people who stand convicted — by present facts — of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can’t think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.

If the tax code is unfair, it’s because they want it unfair.

If the budget is in the red, it’s because they want it in the red.

If the Army & Marines are in IRAQ , it’s because they want them in IRAQ .

If they do not receive Social Security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it’s because they want it that way.

There are no insoluble government problems.

Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power.

Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like “the economy,” “inflation,” or “politics” that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.

Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.

They, and they alone, have the power.

They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses.

Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees.

We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!

Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper.

What you do with this article now that you have read it is up to you, though you have several choices:

1. You can send this to everyone in your address book and hope “they” do something about it.
2. You can agree to “vote against” everyone that is currently in office, knowing that the process will take several years.
3. You can decide to “run for office” yourself and agree to do the job properly.
4. Lastly, you can sit back and do nothing or re-elect the current bunch.

Do you accept the lack of accountability?

The New GM (Government Motors)

Proudly Introduces

The 2010 Obama

This car runs on hot air and broken promises.

It has three wheels that speed the vehicle through tight left turns.

It comes complete with two TelePrompters programmed to help the occupants talk their way out of any violations.

The transparent canopy reveals the plastic smiles still on the faces of all the happy owners.

Comes in S, M, L, XL and 2XL

It won’t get you to work, but hey, there aren’t any jobs anyway!

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy’s response is hilarious, but read the State’s letter before you get to the response letter.

Funny story and verified as TRUE by Snopes.com: http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/dammed.asp

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department’s files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324..30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2009.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.

Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/07 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania.

A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood ‘debris’ dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials ‘debris.’

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:

(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or

(2) Do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.

(Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren’t the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation — so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department’s dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.

If you want the stream ‘restored’ to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers — but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English..

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers’ Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/1998? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU,

RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS