Forward Ever Forward

What do you all think??????

1 . Americans spend $36,000,000 at Wal-mart Every hour of every day.

2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!

3. Wal-mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick’s Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year.

4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.

5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private Employer, and most speak English.

6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the World.

7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.

8. During this same period, 31 supermarket chains sought bankruptcy.

9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.

10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 Years ago.

11. This year 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur At a Wal-Mart store. (Earth’s population is approximately 6.5 Billion.)

12. 90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart.

You may think that I am complaining, but I am really laying the ground work for suggesting that MAYBE we should hire the guys who run Wal-Mart to Fix the economy.

This should be read and understood by all Americans
Democrats, Republicans, EVERYONE!!

The Wizard of Oz

Is 70 years old.

Today, if Dorothy were to encounter
Men with no brains, no hearts, and no courage -

She wouldn’t be in Oz…

She’d be in Congress!

Representative Hank Johnson, a Georgia Democrat, on March 25th gave a bizarre concern about the island of Guam possibly tipping over (he used the word “capsize”) if any more U.S. troops were stationed on the island. Admiral Robert Willard, the head of U.S. Pacific Command who was testifying, paused briefly and offered a deadpan response: “We don’t anticipate that.”

Seriously, has anyone thought about requiring a manditory test for our politicians to take?!?! If failed, the island of Guam would have to take the politicians, and hopefully America might get lucky when Guam “capsizes” due to all the failed politicians stationed there!

Guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini.”The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “168″. The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”. Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “100.” The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”, and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “Uh, about 50.” The robot leans in real close and says, “So, are you still happy you voted for Obama?”

Submitted By: Nicole (New Orleans, LA)

Pictured below is a young physician by the name of Dr. Starner Jones. His short two-paragraph letter to the White House accurately puts the blame on a “Culture Crisis” instead of a “Health Care Crisis.” It’s worth a quick read:

Dear Mr. President:

During my shift in the Emergency Room last night, I had the pleasure of evaluating a patient whose smile revealed an expensive shiny gold tooth, whose body was adorned with a wide assortment of elaborate and costly tattoos, who wore a very expensive brand of tennis shoes and who chatted on a new cellular telephone equipped with a popular R&B ringtone.

While glancing over her patient chart, I happened to notice that her payer status was listed as “Medicaid!” During my examination of her, the patient informed me that she smokes more than one costly pack of cigarettes every day and somehow still has money to buy pretzels and beer.

And, you and our Congress expect me to pay for this woman’s health care? I contend that our nation’s “health care crisis” is not the result of a shortage of quality hospitals, doctors or nurses. Rather, it is the result of a “crisis of culture,” a culture in which it is perfectly acceptable to spend money on luxuries and vices while refusing to take care of one’s self or, heaven forbid, purchase health insurance. It is a culture based in the irresponsible credo that “I can do whatever I want to because someone else will always take care of me.”

Once you fix this “culture crisis” that rewards irresponsibility and dependency, you’ll be amazed at how quickly our nation’s health care difficulties will disappear.

Respectfully,
STARNER JONES, MD

A friend sent this along to me. I can’t think of a reason to disagree.

I am sending this to virtually everybody on my e-mail list and that includes conservatives, liberals, and everybody in between. Even though we disagree on a number of issues, I count all of you as friends. My friend and neighbor wants to promote a “Congressional Reform Act of 2010.” It would contain eight provisions, all of which would probably be strongly endorsed by those who drafted the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

I know many of you will say, “this is impossible.” Let me remind you, Congress has the lowest approval of any entity in Government, now is the time when Americans will join together to reform Congress – the entity that represents us.

We need to get a Senator to introduce this bill in the US Senate and a Representative to introduce a similar bill in the US House. These people will become American hero’s.
Thanks,

A Fellow American

————————————–

Congressional Reform Act of 2010

1. 12 year term limit only. One of the possible options are: two Six year Senate terms; six Two year House terms; one Six year Senate term and three Two Year House terms
2. No Tenure/No Pension. A congressman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they are out of office.
3. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security. All funds in the Congressional retirement fund moves to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system, Congress participates with the American people.
4. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan just as all Americans.
5. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.
6. Congress looses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.
7. Congress must equally abide in all laws they impose on the American people.
8. All contracts with past and present congressmen are void effective 1/1/11. The American people did not make this contract with congressmen, congressmen made all these contracts for themselves.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, serve your term(s), then go home and back to work.

TWO COW (POLITICAL PHILOSOPHIES)

A CONSERVATIVE: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A LIBERAL: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You write to your congressman, demanding that he or she passes legislation for more government programs to help your neighbor get a cow. Your congressman taxes your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. Your congressman takes your tax money and buys your cow and gives it to your neighbor. You feel vindicated.

A DEMOCRACY PUREST: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair “Cowgate.”

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows and you give one to your neighbour.

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows, the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

A FASCIST: You have two cows, the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

A NAZI: You have two cows, The Government takes both and shoots you.

MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

A TOTALITARIANIST: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

A BUREAUCRAT: You have two cows, the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away.

A FEMINIST: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.

AN ENVIRONMENTALIST: You have two cows, but the government bans you from milking or killing them.

AN ANARCHIST: You had two cows, but they were killed when everyone rioted and overthrew the government.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of “ownership”is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

TWO COW (CULTURE PHILOSOPHIES)

A COUNTER CULTERIST: You have two cows. They eat your hemp. You drink their milk for medicinal reasons.

A SURREALIST: You have two cows, but you paint two giraffes to depict what your subconsciousness might think are cows. For your efforts the government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

A FATALIST: You have two cows. You know they will die, so you don’t feed them. They die, which you knew would happen.

A ZENIST: Cows happen, sometimes twice.

TWO COW (BUSINESS PHILOSOPHIES)

A TRADITIONAL CAPITALIST: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You outsource one to India, and inhouse the other and force it to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the outsourced cow is still producing milk and the inhoused cow dropped dead.

A CANADIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You can’t sell your milk due to an 1970 agreement with the United States that you would only buy their milk.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.

AN EUROPEAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but everybody is buying cheaper milk imported from an east European country. You receive financial aid from the European Union to subsidise your cows. You sell your milk to some government-owned distributor, which then dumps your milk onto the market at east European prices to make Europe competitive.

AN IRISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You ask for an EU subsidy for your failed breeding program.

A FINNISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have to kill one of them due to European Union stating that there is an overproduction of milk in the Netherlands.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You drink some vodka and count them again. You have five cows. The Russian Mafia shows up and takes however many cows you have.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both and milk the outsourced American cow.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You make menudo soup out of them, and then take a siesta.

AN EGYPTIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are voting for Mubarak!

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.

A TALIBAN CORPORATION: You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

A SINGAPORE CORPORATION: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed animals in an apartment.

A HONG KONG CAPITALIST: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows’ milk back to the listed company and proceeds from the sale are deferred. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION: You have two cows. One cow is probably Tangata Whenua and therefor feels the other cow should not be considered a New Zealand cow.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. So, you kill one and put it on the barbie to celebrate.

BERNARD MEDOFF: You have two cows. You tell your clients you have 20 cows. You sell one cow to show revenue, leaving you with nineteen cows. The annual report says that the company increased in profit to twenty-eight cows, with an option on ten more. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.