Forward Ever Forward

Guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini.”The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “168″. The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”. Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “100.” The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy says, “Martini”, and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “Uh, about 50.” The robot leans in real close and says, “So, are you still happy you voted for Obama?”

The doctor had his tv on in his office when the news of the military base shootings came on. The husband of one of his employees was stationed there. He called her into his office and as he told her what had happened, she got a text message from her husband saying, “I am okay.”

Her cell phone rang right after she read the message.. It was an ER nurse,”I’m the one who just sent you a text, not your husband. I thought it would be comforting but I was mistaken in doing so. I am sorry to tell you this, but your husband has been shot 4 times and he is in surgery.”

The soldier’s wife left Southern Clinic in Dothan and drove all night to Ft.Hood. When she arrived, she found out her husband was out of surgery and would be OK. She rushed to his room and found that he already had visitors there to confort him. He was just waking up and found his wife and the visitors by his side The nurse took this picture.

What is even better is the fact George W. Bush heard about Fort Hood, got in his car without any escort, apparently they did not have time to react, and drove to Fort Hood. He was stopped at the gate and the guard could not believe who he had just stopped. Bush only asked for directions to the hospital then drove on.

The gate guard called that “The president is on Fort Hood and driving to the hospital.” The base went bananas looking for Obama. When they found it was Bush they immediately offered escort and Bush simply told them to shut up and let him visit the wounded and the dependents of the dead. He stayed at Fort Hood for over six hours and was finally asked to leave by a message from the White House. Obama flew in days later and held a “photo ” session in a gym and did not even go to the hospital. All this I picked up from two soldiers here who happened to be at Fort Hood when it happened.

Actions  Speak Louder than Words

Good American ingenuity...
Here’s a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners.

Have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you, but
will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.

The chamber could be reinforced sufficiently to withstand a blast, but just getting the word out should take care of the problem.

And this solution would be cheaper to install in airports around the world.

This would be a win-win for everyone.

~From a pilot

Submitted By: Nicole (New Orleans, LA)

Pictured below is a young physician by the name of Dr. Starner Jones. His short two-paragraph letter to the White House accurately puts the blame on a “Culture Crisis” instead of a “Health Care Crisis.” It’s worth a quick read:

Dear Mr. President:

During my shift in the Emergency Room last night, I had the pleasure of evaluating a patient whose smile revealed an expensive shiny gold tooth, whose body was adorned with a wide assortment of elaborate and costly tattoos, who wore a very expensive brand of tennis shoes and who chatted on a new cellular telephone equipped with a popular R&B ringtone.

While glancing over her patient chart, I happened to notice that her payer status was listed as “Medicaid!” During my examination of her, the patient informed me that she smokes more than one costly pack of cigarettes every day and somehow still has money to buy pretzels and beer.

And, you and our Congress expect me to pay for this woman’s health care? I contend that our nation’s “health care crisis” is not the result of a shortage of quality hospitals, doctors or nurses. Rather, it is the result of a “crisis of culture,” a culture in which it is perfectly acceptable to spend money on luxuries and vices while refusing to take care of one’s self or, heaven forbid, purchase health insurance. It is a culture based in the irresponsible credo that “I can do whatever I want to because someone else will always take care of me.”

Once you fix this “culture crisis” that rewards irresponsibility and dependency, you’ll be amazed at how quickly our nation’s health care difficulties will disappear.

Respectfully,
STARNER JONES, MD

This was written by a Canadian woman, but oh how it also applies to the U.S., U.K. and Australia.

THIS ONE PACKS A FIRM PUNCH

Written by a housewife in New Brunswick, to her local newspaper. This is one ticked off lady.

‘Are we fighting a war on terror or aren’t we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001 and have continually threatened to do so since?

Were people from all over the world, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan, across the Potomac from the nation’s capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania?

Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or didn’t they?

And I’m supposed to care that a few Taliban were claiming to be tortured by a justice system of the nation they come from and are fighting against in a brutal insurgency

I’ll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11.

I’ll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere belief of which is a crime punishable by beheading in Afghanistan.

I’ll care when these thugs tell the world they are sorry for hacking off Nick Berg’s head while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashed throat.

I’ll care when the cowardly so-called ‘insurgents’ in Afghanistan come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques.

I’ll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide bombs.

I’ll care when the Canadian media stops pretending that their freedom of speech on stories is more important than the lives of the soldiers on the ground or their families waiting at home to hear about them when something happens.

In the meantime, when I hear a story about a CANADIAN soldier roughing up an Insurgent terrorist to obtain information, know this:

I don’t care.

When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank:

I don’t care.

When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and ‘fed special’ food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being ‘mishandled,’ you can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts:

I don’t care.

And oh, by the way, I’ve noticed that sometimes it’s spelled ‘Koran’ and other times ‘Quran.’ Well, Jimmy Crack Corn you guessed it,

I don’t care!!

If you agree with this viewpoint, pass this on to all your E-mail friends Sooner or later, it’ll get to the people responsible for this ridiculous behaviour!

If you don’t agree, then by all means hit the delete button. Should you choose the latter, then please don’t complain when more atrocities committed by radical Muslims happen here in our great Country!
And may I add:

‘Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the Soldiers don’t have that problem.’

I have another quote that I would like to add, AND…….I hope you forward all this.

Only five defining forces have ever offered to die for you:

1. Jesus Christ

2. The Canadian Soldier.

3. The British Soldier.

4. The US Soldier, and

5. The Australian Soldier

One died for your soul, the other 4 for your freedom.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO PASS THIS ON, AS MANY SEEM TO FORGET ALL OF THEM.

AMEN!

A friend sent this along to me. I can’t think of a reason to disagree.

I am sending this to virtually everybody on my e-mail list and that includes conservatives, liberals, and everybody in between. Even though we disagree on a number of issues, I count all of you as friends. My friend and neighbor wants to promote a “Congressional Reform Act of 2010.” It would contain eight provisions, all of which would probably be strongly endorsed by those who drafted the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

I know many of you will say, “this is impossible.” Let me remind you, Congress has the lowest approval of any entity in Government, now is the time when Americans will join together to reform Congress – the entity that represents us.

We need to get a Senator to introduce this bill in the US Senate and a Representative to introduce a similar bill in the US House. These people will become American hero’s.
Thanks,

A Fellow American

————————————–

Congressional Reform Act of 2010

1. 12 year term limit only. One of the possible options are: two Six year Senate terms; six Two year House terms; one Six year Senate term and three Two Year House terms
2. No Tenure/No Pension. A congressman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they are out of office.
3. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security. All funds in the Congressional retirement fund moves to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system, Congress participates with the American people.
4. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan just as all Americans.
5. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.
6. Congress looses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.
7. Congress must equally abide in all laws they impose on the American people.
8. All contracts with past and present congressmen are void effective 1/1/11. The American people did not make this contract with congressmen, congressmen made all these contracts for themselves.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, serve your term(s), then go home and back to work.

TWO COW (POLITICAL PHILOSOPHIES)

A CONSERVATIVE: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A LIBERAL: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You write to your congressman, demanding that he or she passes legislation for more government programs to help your neighbor get a cow. Your congressman taxes your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. Your congressman takes your tax money and buys your cow and gives it to your neighbor. You feel vindicated.

A DEMOCRACY PUREST: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair “Cowgate.”

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows and you give one to your neighbour.

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows, the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

A FASCIST: You have two cows, the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

A NAZI: You have two cows, The Government takes both and shoots you.

MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

A TOTALITARIANIST: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

A BUREAUCRAT: You have two cows, the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away.

A FEMINIST: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.

AN ENVIRONMENTALIST: You have two cows, but the government bans you from milking or killing them.

AN ANARCHIST: You had two cows, but they were killed when everyone rioted and overthrew the government.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of “ownership”is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

TWO COW (CULTURE PHILOSOPHIES)

A COUNTER CULTERIST: You have two cows. They eat your hemp. You drink their milk for medicinal reasons.

A SURREALIST: You have two cows, but you paint two giraffes to depict what your subconsciousness might think are cows. For your efforts the government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

A FATALIST: You have two cows. You know they will die, so you don’t feed them. They die, which you knew would happen.

A ZENIST: Cows happen, sometimes twice.

TWO COW (BUSINESS PHILOSOPHIES)

A TRADITIONAL CAPITALIST: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You outsource one to India, and inhouse the other and force it to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the outsourced cow is still producing milk and the inhoused cow dropped dead.

A CANADIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You can’t sell your milk due to an 1970 agreement with the United States that you would only buy their milk.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.

AN EUROPEAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but everybody is buying cheaper milk imported from an east European country. You receive financial aid from the European Union to subsidise your cows. You sell your milk to some government-owned distributor, which then dumps your milk onto the market at east European prices to make Europe competitive.

AN IRISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You ask for an EU subsidy for your failed breeding program.

A FINNISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have to kill one of them due to European Union stating that there is an overproduction of milk in the Netherlands.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You drink some vodka and count them again. You have five cows. The Russian Mafia shows up and takes however many cows you have.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both and milk the outsourced American cow.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You make menudo soup out of them, and then take a siesta.

AN EGYPTIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are voting for Mubarak!

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.

A TALIBAN CORPORATION: You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

A SINGAPORE CORPORATION: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed animals in an apartment.

A HONG KONG CAPITALIST: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows’ milk back to the listed company and proceeds from the sale are deferred. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION: You have two cows. One cow is probably Tangata Whenua and therefor feels the other cow should not be considered a New Zealand cow.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. So, you kill one and put it on the barbie to celebrate.

BERNARD MEDOFF: You have two cows. You tell your clients you have 20 cows. You sell one cow to show revenue, leaving you with nineteen cows. The annual report says that the company increased in profit to twenty-eight cows, with an option on ten more. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.