Forward Ever Forward » Opinion

FW: A Flight of Assumptions

Paul — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 13:17:36 +0000

His request approved, the news photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, “Lets go.”

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, “Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.”

“Why?” asked the pilot.

“Because I’m a photographer for the news,” he responded, “and I need to get some close up shots.”

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered,

“So, what you’re telling me, is . . . You’re NOT my flight instructor?”

Moral of the Story: NEVER assume—ALWAYS ask
.

FW: A Short Course in Human Relations

Paul — Sat, 24 Sep 2011 06:00:45 +0000

The 6 most important words: I admit that I was wrong.

The 5 most important words: You did a great job!

The 4 most important words: What do you think?

The 3 most important words: Would you please…

The 2 most important words: Thank you!

The most important word: We.

The least important word: I.

FW: A Donkey on your Back

Paul — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 06:00:25 +0000

An old fable that has been passed down for generations tells about an elderly man who was traveling with a boy and a donkey. As they walked through a village, the man was leading the donkey and the boy was walking behind.

The townspeople said the old man was a fool for not riding, so to please them he climbed up on the animal’s back. When they came to the next village, the people said the old man was cruel to let the child walk while he enjoyed the ride. So, to please them, he got off and set the boy on the animal’s back and continued on his way.

In the third village, people accused the child of being lazy for making the old man walk, and the suggestion was made that they both ride. So the man climbed on and they set off again.

In the fourth village, the townspeople were indignant at the cruelty to the donkey because he was made to carry two people.

The frustrated man was last seen carrying the donkey down the road.

Moral of the story: We can’t please everybody, and if we try we end up carrying a heavy burden.

FW: Confucius Says

Paul — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 17:52:22 +0000

Confucius Says:

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in Front of car get tyred.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind Car get exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one Chopstick go hungry.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who scratch butt Should not bite fingernails.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who eat many Prunes get good run for money.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
War not Determine who is right, war determine who is Left.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wife who put Husband in doghouse soon find him in Cathouse.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like Hell, bound to get there..
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in Glass house should change clothes in Basement.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fish in Other man’s well often catch crabs.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crowded elevator Smell different to midget.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Person who deletes this has no humour!!!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Now send it to 1 Or more people..Nothing will happen!!!

FW: Amazing Simple Home Remedies

Paul — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 01:37:11 +0000

THESE REALLY WORK!! I checked this out on Snopes and it’s for real!

AMAZING, SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES – BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU’LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU NEED ONLY TWO TOOLS IN LIFE – WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN’T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN’T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN’T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU’VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES – NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN THEY’RE PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

SOME ADDITIONAL ADVICE: NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, TAKE A LAXATIVE AND SLEEPING PILLS ON THE SAME NIGHT

FW: “Here You Have It” Virus

Paul — Sat, 14 May 2011 06:00:02 +0000

Editor’s Note: This virus is snopes verified. However, snopes offers further commentary concerning this particular virus: “Additional information about the ‘Here you have’ virus posted on the McAfee Labs Blog indicates that their anti-virus software has since been updated to recognize and neutralize VBMania and that ‘this URL is no longer active and the email propagation vector is believed to be crippled at this time,’ so the threat posed by the ‘Here you have’ or ‘Just For You’ virus is now rather low.” So, even though the threat of this virus is low, the below recommendations can be applied to other viruses.

Infectious email messages have been circulating and spreading a virus called, “VBMania.” If you receive any emails with “Here you have” or “Just for you” in the subject line, please delete these emails immediately. Don’t open them or click on any links or attachments. You should watch out for these malicious emails both on your work computers and on your home computer.

A link to a malicious Web site associated with the virus appears to be inactive, but infected hosts may continue to spread the virus via other means. The files attached to the e-mails are dangerous because they appear to be a PDF or Windows Media (WMV) files but are actually disguised files known as Trojans. After clicking them, the user is prompted to download or execute the virus. When it is run, the virus installs itself on your computer. Once your computer is infected, the virus attempts to send out the same email message to the addresses in your address book. It can also spread through accessible remote machines, mapped drives, and removable media such as thumb drives.

While this specific threat is current and has been reported on Government computer systems, you should always be on the alert for malicious emails. When you receive emails, check to make sure you know the sender before you open it. If you don’t recognize the person in the “from” line of an email, or it seems suspicious for other reasons, delete it. Also, please make sure your work and home computers are protected and have current anti-virus and other security software.

FW: What Your Handwriting Reveals to Others

Paul — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 06:00:59 +0000

According to Sylvia Friedman, a certified master graphologist and handwriting analyst who has been working in the industry for twenty-five years, experts look at these criteria when analyzing handwriting.

Size
Small—good concentration, methodical, not very social
Medium—likes to be around people, but values alone time
Large—people-oriented, outgoing

Spacing
Wide—don’t want to be overwhelmed or crowded, needs freedom
Narrow—high irritability, one who puts pressure on himself

Shape of Letters
Rounded—creative, artistic
Pointed—intelligent, curious, intense
Connected—makes careful decisions, logical, systematic
Loopy—big imagination, sensitive to criticism, social

Dotting the “i”
Directly over—organized, good attention to detail, emphatic
High over—great imagination
To the left—procrastination
Circle—child-like or visionary
Slashing—irritation, little patience for inadequacy in others

Slant
Right (////)—caring, warm and outgoing, heart rules mind
Vertical (llll)—keeps emotions in check, mind rules heart
Left (\\\\)—conceals emotions, observed as cold and indifferent

Baseline (the direction a freehand sentence goes towards)
Steady—cool and calm, firm, confident and in control
Downwardly—acting upbeat while inside feeling overwhelmed, tired, or pessimistic
Upwardly—buoyant, cheerful, forceful and hopeful
Wavy—impetuous, instinctive, spontaneous, temperamental and unpredictable

Doodles
Boxes—needs structure and stability
Flowers—romantic, creative, and idealistic
Triangles—perfectionist, not a risk-taker
Circles—dreamer, takes things personally
Smiley face—optimistic, wants life to be beautiful

Signature
Both Names Legible—writier is self-confident, straightforward, optimistic, and socially relaxed
First Name Unlegible—writer is covering up personal identity
Last Name Unlegible—writer is hiding from business or formal activities
Both Names Unlegible—writer doesn’t like first or last name.
Low Capital Letters in First or Last Name—writer has a lack of self-confidence
Tall Capital Letters in First or Last Name—writer is domineering or has a egoistic nature.

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FW: Speed Potato Peeling

Paul — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 06:00:38 +0000

Wow!!! I wish I had known this secret when I was a kid and had to peel Sunday dinner’s potatoes for our large family!

Click here to view the embedded video.

FW: There Is No “Ground Zero Mosque”

Paul — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 16:53:02 +0000

Click here to view the embedded video.

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FW: Universal Laws

Paul — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 16:54:36 +0000

1. Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire..

6. Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

10. The Coffee Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

11. Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

12. Wilson’s Law of Commercial
Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

13. Doctors’ Law
If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.

Forward Ever Forward » Opinion

FW: A Flight of Assumptions

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