Forward Ever Forward

(I have pasted this just like it came to me. I don’t know why it is in all caps or why everything starts with “1″.)

THE GUYS’ RULES
AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN
FINALLY , THE GUYS’ SIDE OF THE STORY.
( I MUST ADMIT, IT’S PRETTY GOOD.)
WE ALWAYS HEAR ” the rules ”
FROM THE FEMALE SIDE.

NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE.
THESE ARE OUR RULES!
PLEASE NOTE.. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED “1″
ON PURPOSE!
1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT.
YOU’RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT’S UP, PUT IT DOWN.
WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN.
YOU DON’T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1.. SUNDAY SPORTS. IT’S LIKE THE FULL MOON
OR THE CHANGING OF THE TIDES.
LET IT BE.

1. SHOPPING IS NOT A SPORT.
AND NO, WE ARE NEVER GOING TO THINK OF IT THAT WAY.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.
LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:
SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT’S WHAT WE DO.
SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. A HEADACHE THAT LASTS FOR 17 MONTHS IS A PROBLEM.
SEE A DOCTOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT.
IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU WON’T DRESS LIKE THE VICTORIA ‘S SECRET GIRLS, DON’T EXPECT US TO ACT LIKE SOAP OPERA GUYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU’RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE.
DON’T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING
OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE.
NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE.

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS.
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF IT ITCHES, IT will BE SCRATCHED.
WE DO THAT.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY “NOTHING,” WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING’S WRONG.
WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON’T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR.

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE. REALLY .

1. DON’T ASK US WHAT WE’RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS SEX, CARS, THE SHOTGUN FORMATION,
OR NASCAR .

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.
YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT;

BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON’T MIND THAT? IT’S LIKE CAMPING.

I usually don’t allow anything that has swear words (this video has one) but I couldn’t resist to help warp the minds of children (and those of us who still act like children) into doing something totally crazy!

Enjoy!

super fun happy slide

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Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

“Vacation” means going to Salt Lake City for the weekend.

You measure distance in hours.

You know several people who have hit deer and elk more than once.

You often switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.

You use a down comforter in the summer.

Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 13 feet of snow during a raging
blizzard, without flinching.

You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You think of the major food groups as deer meat, fish, and berries.

You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

You replace your windshield 2 times a year.

There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Wal-Mart store at any given time.

You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

You think lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you’re in a
rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.

You have ever uttered the term ” Greenie!”

You actually know what “deet” means and you actually use it

You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your friends from Wyoming.

sturgis 2007 deer jump

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The Luchadores: Episode 2

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Amazing ChristopherAmazing Christopher

TOKYO (Reuters) - A Japanese biker failed to notice his leg had been severed below the knee when he hit a safety barrier, and rode on for more than a mile, leaving a friend to pick up the missing limb.

The 54-year-old office worker was out on his motorcycle with a group of friends in the city of Hamamatsu, west of Tokyo, on Monday, when he was unable to negotiate a curve in the road and bumped into the central barrier, the Mainichi Shimbun said.

He felt excruciating pain, but did not notice that his right leg was missing until he stopped at the next junction, the paper quoted local police as saying.

The man and his leg were taken to a hospital, but the limb had been crushed in the collision, the paper said.

I hope you all enjoy this as much as I!

This is crazy…cuz none of this is an exaggeration lol
If your from Colorado….

You’ll eat ice cream in the winter.

When the weather report says it’s going to be 65 degrees, you shave your legs and wear a skirt.

It snows 5 inches and you don’t expect school to be cancelled.

You’ll wear flip flops every day of the year, regardless of temperature.

You have no accent at all, but can hear other people’s. And then you make fun of them.

“Humid” is over 25%.

Your sense of direction is: Toward the mountains and Away from the mountains.

You say “the interstate” and everybody knows which one.

You think that May is a totally normal mon th for a blizzard, and you grew up planning your Halloween costumes around your coat.

You know what the Continental Divide is.

You don’t think Coors beer is that big a deal.

You went to Casa Bonita as a child.

You bought your car from John Elway.

You were tear gassed at college and you can’t even remember why….something about football…

You’ve gone off-roading in a vehicle that was never intended for such activities.

You always know the elevation of where you are.

You know that there are two kinds of Colorado Girls: those who shave, and those who don’t.

You wake up to a beautiful, 80 degree day and you wonder if it’s going to snow tomorrow.

You don’t care that some company renamed it, the Broncos still play at Mile High.

You know that Colfax is a street you would most likely find a hooker.

You get pissed off when people confuse Colorado with Kansas, Nebraska, Wyoming, or “one of those other big s quare states out west.”

When you hear that the Chiefs and the Raiders are having bad seasons, you laugh uncontrollably.

Every movie theater has military and student discounts.

Everybody wears jeans to church.

You actually know that South Park is a real place not just a show on TV.

You know what a “trust fund hippy” is, and you know its natural habitat is Boulder.

You’ve made naked snow angels.

You know you’re talking to a fellow Coloradoan when they call it Elitches, not Six Flags. (

You can never figure out why your out-of-town guests faint from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.

Your two favorite teams are the Broncos and whoever is beating the crap out of the Raiders.

You’ve been to the original Chipotle near the DU campus on Evans.

When people out East tell you they have mountains in their state too, you just laugh.

You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels “sticky” and y ou notice the sky is no longer blue.

My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy
Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, “62.” He was quiet for a moment,
and then he asked, “Did you start at 1?”

—————————————————————————
After putting her grandchildren to bed for a sleepover, a grandmother
washed off her makeup, changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and
began to color her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more
rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she stormed into their room,
putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she
heard the three-year-old say in a trembling voice, “Who was THAT?”

—————————————————————————-
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own
childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a po nd. I had a swing
made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We
picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed,
taking this in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”

—————————————————————————–
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you
know how you and God are alike?” I mentally polished my halo while I asked ,
“No, how are we alike?” “You’re both old,” he replied.

—————————————————————————–
A little girl was diligentl y pounding away on her grandfather’s
word processor. She told him she was writing a story. “What’s it about?” he
asked. “I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”

—————————————————————————-
I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I
decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was.
She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I
continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, “Grandma, I
think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!”

—————————————————————————-
When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept
the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.
Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy
whispered, “It’s no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with
flashlights.”

——————————————————————————
When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m
not sure.” “Look in your underwear, Grandma,” he advised. “Mine says I’m
four to six.”

—————————————————————————
A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother,
“Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.” The
grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. “That’s interesting,”
she said, “How do you make babies?” “It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You
just change ‘y’ to ‘I and add ‘es’.”

—————————————————————————-
“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a teacher. The
small boy wrote: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.” The teacher
asked, “Do you know what pregnant means?” Sure,” said the young boy
confidently. “It means carrying a child.”

—————————————————————————–
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of
kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of
the fire truck wa s a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s
duties. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster. “No,” said
another, “he’s just for good luck.” A third child brought the argument to a
close: “No, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant.”